The empty spaces (I)

They say that you never realise what you have until it’s gone.

Grandma passed away recently, after five days of suffering. She has never been this sick. I remember quietly in my heart asking God to take her life, should her suffering be prolonged. It’s like having a bad dream. The whole process was surreal.

She was one of the biggest influences in my life. She is not the type of grandma that you only visit during hari raya, holidays or kenduri. I grew up with her. The only time gap that I had was when I’m away during my uni days.

Having her here in KL was a blessed. When my life falling apart or I’m all stressed out due to the little things or the big things, the quick remedy was to turn to her. It’s not that I’m telling her my problems but being with her allows me to keep my feet on the ground. The story-telling session which involved our past (of love, sacrifices and growing up), the old secret recipe of cooking and wise word from her somehow makes me realised what is more important in life. It’s like coming back to a safe place called home to the family where you belong. No Judgment, No Question. Just Acceptance.

In my previous entry of Jentayu, was actually for her. She reminds me of Jentayu song – Patah sayap bertongkat paruh, Patah paruh bertongkat siku, Patah siku bertongkat dagu, Patah dagu bertongkat kuku. She was able to take care of herself right until the end. She always tries her best to do everything on her own. Tak nak menyusahkan sesiapa katanya.

A friend of mine told me – A person is only dead if you stop remembering her. Grandma, you are loved and missed. Thank You. My prayers will always be with you. Al-Fatehah.

Tentang Jentayu

Menghadapi minggu yang sukar.

Entah macam mana, pagi ni teringat pada kisah seekor burung- Jentayu

Jika refer kepada kamus Jawi klasik-Melayu-Inggeris yang di susun oleh pendidik RJ Wilkinson pada tahun 1903 Jentayu bermaksud – Seekor burung yang luar biasa yang dipercayai di anugerahkan dengan kekuatan menyeru hujan dan embun. Kononnya sayap burung Jentayu mampu menyembunyikan seorang manusia.

Melalui pembacaan, perkataan Jatayu berasal dari bahasa Sanskrit. Mengikut cerita epic Ramayana, Jatayu ialah seekor burung pemakan bangkai , separuh manusia dan separuh dewa. Jatayu dan Rama bersahabat baik. Pada satu hari, Jatayu yang berada di atas dahan pokok ternampak isteri Rama, Dewi Sita menjerit-jerit di culik, di bawa terbang oleh raja setan yang menakutkan, Ravana. Jatayu dengan rasa tanggung jawab berusaha dengan sepenuh hati melawan dan menyerang Ravana. Oleh kerana telah berusia, Ravana berjaya memotong sayap Jatayu dengan pedang. Darah bercucuran lalu tubuh Jatayu akhirnya jatuh ke tanah dan mati. Sebelum mati dengan keadaan sekerat tanpa sayap dan cedera, Jatayu memberitahu Rama bahawa Dewi Sita telah di culik Ravana.

Usman Awang juga berpuisi tentang Jentayu dalam 11 babak. Juga tentang burung ajaib memerangi garuda jahat untuk melindungi sang Puteri China dan kekasihnya Putera Rum.

Begitulah kesah si burung Jentayu. Membinasakan diri untuk orang lain. Berusaha untuk menyelamatkan walaupun diri terkorban. Ada tak agaknya manusia bersifat seperti burung Jentayu? Mahukah kita menjadi Jentayu?

Mengambil makna kekuatan dan survivor dari lagu Jentayu by Johan Nawawi :)

Di paruhmu kemilauan sinar, Menyepuhi sejuta rasa
Kemulian di hatimu, Bening budi terdampar di jagat raya
Di sayap taufan kau jelajahi, Awan gemawan membawa rindu
Kasihmu menentangi kezaliman, Ketidakadilan
Jentayu, Patah sayap bertongkat paruh
Jentayu, Patah paruh bertongkat siku
Jentayu, Patah siku bertongkat dagu
Jentayu, Patah dagu bertongkat kuku
Pinjamkanlah hatimu, Untuk semua

Selamat Pagi. Minum teh tarik dulu :)

Sài Gòn = Shòp Ping

Was in Saigon (Ho Chi Minh City) for 3N4D. Last year in Feb, I went to Hanoi and I think, Saigon is fairly modern compared to Hanoi. Most people know Vietnam because of the infamous Vietnam War. French, Japanese and US occupied the country many many years ago. They celebrate Vietnamese New Year which actually the same as Chinese New Year.

Few things about Saigon:

1. If you would like to go back to the past, say 15-20 years back - Saigon is the place to go. Somehow Saigon reminds me of our own country when I was a little girl. Terdapat banyak taman/padang. Kids and adults playing sepak yim. Kabel electric berselirat di jalan raya. Mereka kelihatan susah, tetapi tidak kelihatan pengemis di jalanan. Tapi jaga-jaga dengan si penyeluk saku. Mereka ni terror. Sedar-sedar dah kena copet. Jalan raya sentiasa sibuk dan confusing.

2. Saigon is paradise for shoppers. I was surprised. Tak sangka di negara yang 80% populasi nya Buddha, punya banyak kedai menjual kain (cotton and silk), baju kurung (with heavy mannequin), telekung dan tudung. Harga – memang sangat berpatutan. The only setback is that they are not that friendly, especially at Ben Tanh market. Do not bargain if you are not sure if you want to buy. They like to force you to buy.
3. Begitu juga dengan tailor made suit and shirts. They can make it in one day. Bought myself in total of nine pieces of shirts, pants and skirts. I felt that I’m a designer :). I can choose the material and design it. I like :).

4. I took half day tour to Cu Chi tunnels. I watched very old video about how the Vietnamese people outsmarted the Americans. Then the tour guide explained the weapons and traps used. I crawled inside the tunnels. It’s narrow, dark and hot. I felt suffocate inside the tunnel. So if you are claustrophobic, please do not enter. Ended my journey with ubi kayu dan menembak dengan senapang M16.

5. Sad to say one day Mekong Delta tour is just a waste of time. Traveling by bus and motor boat for few hours just to experienced candy making process, sampan and Vietnamese singing some old song. Tak berbaloi. Our own homestay programme is much more happening.

6. Halal food is not really a problem. VN Halal is very near to Ben Tanh market. If you opt for tour, bring your own food – roti, biskut or maggi. Otherwise – kelaparan. I did not have the courage to try chon coffee. Cukup lah sekali.

Akhir kata, jika ke Saigon – Selamat bershopping. That’s the only thing that worth to Saigon.

Tentang Comot

Hari ini saya mahu cerita tentang COMOT.

1. Movie atau Drama Comot

Berlaku dalam drama atau filem melayu. Kisah kekeluargaan. Tentang si anak yang derhaka, Ibu atau bapa yang mendera, isteri atau suami yang curang, kehidupan yang sangat daif dan perbualan yang kasar penuh caci dan maki. Para pelakon harus dalam keadaan serba kekurangan. Muka dan pakaian compang camping.

Saya sangat tidak suka. Rasa bertambah comot fikiran menontonya. Sudah tidak relevan cerita comot sebegini. Ya, mungkin ada lagi si tenggang di luar sana, tapi apa kata beri pengajaran dalam bentuk yang lebih selesa di pandang mata.

2. Makanan atau Pakaian Comot

Berlaku apabila memilih untuk makan maggi in my mug, bubur segera, biskut kering empat segi, roti canai frozen dan segala yang segera. Terasa malas untuk mengambil masa untuk membeli atau memasak, sudah terlalu letih dan hanya mahu tidur tetapi perut lapar dan tidak berselera makan.

Pakaian comot berlaku apabila terlambat bangun, malas untuk berhias, banyak kerja dan tidak ada mood dan inspirasi. Memilih baju yg tidak perlu di gosok, extra size shirt atau yang berwarna kelam dan selamat.

Oh! Ini sangat selalu berlaku kepada saya.

3. Kerja comot

Berlaku apabila membuat sesuatu itu dengan sikap asal siap. Tidak mahu mengambil masa untuk berhenti sebentar, berfikir dan memahami. Tidak faham tujuan kerja dan consequences nya. Pakai hentam buat sahaja. Kesilapan di sana sini dan berulang. Tidak detail dan teliti. Maka hasil kerja nya COMOT.

Saya sangat letih menguruskan kerja-kerja yang comot. Mungkin saya perlu jadi lebih comot. Super Comot. Bagaimana jika salary dibuat dan dibayar dengan comot? Tapi kerja itu adalah satu ibadah. Mengapa harus comot?

pic credit fugly.com

11.1.11

Freedom is not the absence of commitments, but the ability to choose and commit myself to - what is best for me - paulo coelho

Having the ability to hit the pause button and choosing my attitude in any situation will do me good

pic credit wovenplay

On Love, Compromise and Appreciation

I had interesting chat with my uncle today. As always soalan cepu emas mesti ada. He is teasing me for waiting the perfect person to show up, which according to him impossible. I laugh out loud as that seriously not the case. Separuh bergurau I told him that I would like to be full time housewife if ever I get married. That’s why it’s hard to find. Me, tired of working :D

Looking at both of them, I know my aunt earned more. But kata-kata my uncle buat saya impressed. ‘Mak usu kamu tu bab hal-hal rumah memang tak pandai, tapi tak pe lah. Dia pandai cari duit. Pandai atur duit. Pak usu ikut aje’. Betul. My uncle would do all the house chores except cooking. Plus taking care of his sick mother in law aka my grand mom. My aunt on the other hand, memang terror. Jual apa pun laku.

I think that’s what we called compromise. Give and take. Tapi nya, these days people tend to take advantage. To take take things for granted. Mengambil kesempatan. There is a thin line between compromise and taking advantage. Expect more but zero in return. Saya tak nak lebih-lebih explain. Sendiri mahu ingat ya.

Pesan uncle saya, kalau jumpa yang rasa sesuai, jangan tunggu lama-lama. Asal, tak cepat naik tangan, tak pinjam duit dan tahu jaga agama. Hmmm…. saya rasa yang tahu menghargai itu penting juga.

Sekian

pic credit : big city dream

I'm pleased

There are few reasons to be happy today :D

1. My wish list is granted. Yeay!. Alhamdulillah. The rewards are not for me but to the person that I believe deserved to receive it. I know it’s not a very big thing, but I’m thankful for it. One thing I learned today is that you never know what will happen, but if you not ask you definitely will not receive.

I know I am not a good leader. I am not knowledgeable enough to impressed people. I’m not extra ordinary. But I do appreciate the hard work done. I have been there. Saya tak lupa. Saya tahu. I do hope both of you happy with the rewards :)

2. Just updated my ASB book. Happy with myself for being diligence enough in handling my own personal finance aka money. I took ASB loan last year and been servicing the monthly payment. It’s one of the effective and smart ways to force myself to save. If the calculation right, I just need few more months to continue paying and after that I can take out the dividend to serve the monthly payment 100%. I have upgraded my personal insurance coverage too – with minimum increase in premium. For all that, Alhamdullilah. I managed to be in control of my spending. Save more spent less.

Like someone said about me – I’m a minimalist. That’s very true. We have different priority in life. What I know is travel makes me happy and if I can bring the whole family at my expense that even better. So I’m willing to give up the expensive car, the expensive house and the expensive branded stuff just to make sure that I can travel. Minimal lifestyle. That’s rewarding. That’s my payoff. That’s the reason to justify my hard work. I can’t wait for my next trip - to Saigon, New Delhi, New Zealand and Kota Kinabalu. I know people complaining about Airasia services, but for me I can’t ask for more when the fare is cheap and affordable compared to MAS. If MAS the only choice I have, sampai bila-bila lah saya tak dapat travel.

3. The other things that make me delighted is that when someone wrote: Less talk talk talk, more actions. So, I think – enough talking.

Selamat malam.

pic credit- sweet as quotes

Twenty Eleven

Enough moping around. Tak elok. Tahun baru ni kan. Saya tak punya mission statement macam Jerry Maguire. Tak cukup inspirasi. Tapi hidup perlu ada makna, perlu punya semangat. There will be good day and bad day. Saya perlu keep it together.

Eleven things that matter

• Appreciate mereka yang ada di sekeliling.
• Create. Jangan hanya berharap. Jadilah apa yang kita mahu.
• Shit happened. So handle it. Ambil masa untuk berhenti sebentar and breathe. Jangan terlebih. Terlajak kata tak boleh undur.
• Jika hari terasa sama – change. Complaining does not change anything. Hari esok perlu lebih baik dari hari ini.
• Nikmati kehidupan. Celebrate life. Be grateful for the small thing. Count the blessing. Or else, life will be miserable.
• Sabar, kita tidak akan dapat semuanya.
• Be humble. Mengkritik itu mudah. Cermin diri dan musabahah. Kadang-kadang kita salah. Kadang-kadang kita terlupa. Belajar.
• Hargai masa. Do important things. Focus. Delete the junk
• Doa, usaha dan redha.
• Don’t compare. It’s not a solution.

pic credit

The fisherman and The businessman

A classic Brazilian story.

There was once a businessman who was sitting by the beach in a small Brazilian village. As he sat, he saw a Brazilian fisherman rowing a small boat towards the shore having caught quite a few big fish.

The businessman was impressed and asked the fisherman, “How long does it take you to catch so many fish?” The fisherman replied, “Oh, just a short while.”

“Then why don’t you stay longer at sea and catch even more?” The businessman was astonished.

“This is enough to feed my whole family,” the fisherman said.

The businessman then asked, “So, what do you do for the rest of the day?”

The fisherman replied, “Well, I usually wake up early in the morning, go out to sea and catch a few fish, then go back and play with my kids. In the afternoon, I take a nap with my wife, and evening comes, I join my buddies in the village for a drink — we play guitar, sing and dance throughout the night.”

The businessman offered a suggestion to the fisherman. “I am a PhD in business management. I could help you to become a more successful person. From now on, you should spend more time at sea and try to catch as many fish as possible. When you have saved enough money, you could buy a bigger boat and catch even more fish. Soon you will be able to afford to buy more boats, set up your own company, your own production plant for canned food and distribution network. By then, you will have moved out of this village and to Sao Paulo, where you can set up HQ to manage your other branches.”

The fisherman continues, “And after that?”

The businessman laughs heartily, “After that, you can live like a king in your own house, and when the time is right, you can go public and float your shares in the Stock Exchange, and you will be rich.”

The fisherman asks, “And after that?”

The businessman says, “After that, you can finally retire, you can move to a house by the fishing village, wake up early in the morning, catch a few fish, then return home to play with kids, have a nice afternoon nap with your wife, and when evening comes, you can join your buddies for a drink, play the guitar, sing and dance throughout the night!”

The fisherman was puzzled, “Isn’t that what I am doing now?"

:) I want to be the fisherman. No more waiting. Live a little, Life is too short to be miserable.

1.1.11

Have you watched Jerry Maguire? – a movie about a 35 year old sports agent who inspired to write a memo; a mission statement in one night as result of stress and guilty conscience. The mission statement is about what he believes - "The Things We Think and Do Not Say: The Future of Our Business".

I love this movie because it’s real, it’s relevant and it’s inspired me. It’s involved in questioning yourself – how far you are willing to go and giving up for what you believe. There are a couple of moments in the movie that moved me so much. He was on fire to make things happen. To find greatness and happiness in an occupation where only success counts.

Jujurnya, saya merasakan api dalam diri saya semakin malap. Tertanya-tanya mana hilangnya. Sudah padam semangat yang berkobar-kobar. Sudah tidak ada keinginan dan kemahuan untuk memberi yang lebih baik. Bahu terasa semakin berat mengalas beban. Atau mungkin rasa ikhlas itu sudah mengurang. Kita kenal diri kita. Kita tahu diri kita. Kita tahu apabila kita tidak memberi 100%. Tidak perlu menipu.

Ramai yang berkata-kata. Tetapi saya tertanya-tanya. Kenapa result masih sama. Tidak ada yang berubah. Result itu tidak menipu. Result speaks louder. Seriously. Saya mahu lihat perubahan itu. Mungkin saya tidak sabar. Mungkin kerana terlalu lama menunggu. Mungkin kerana tiap tahun saya melalui perkara yang sama. Di tanya dengan soalan yang sama. Di uji dengan soalan yang sama. Di rendah kan kerana perkara yang sama.

Kata Paulo ‘One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through.’

I hope all the hardship will worthwhile. My soul need to be alive. Have a little faith.

Thank you twenty ten. Hello twenty eleven :)