The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck

I bought this book because its no one in MPH chart. Just finished reading it and these are what I get..

Think positive?

“F*ck positivity. Let’s be honest; sometimes things are f**ked up and we have to live with it.”

Be extraordinary?

“Not everyone can be extraordinary - there are winners and losers in society, and some if it is not fair or your fault.” 

Seek happiness?

“The path to happiness is a path full of shit heaps and shame.”

Do Something Principle

“If you're stuck on problem, don't sit there and think about it; just start working on it. Even if you don't know what you're doing, the simple act of working on it eventually cause the right ideas to show up in your head.”    Action---> Inspiration ---> Motivation

Toxic Relationship

“The Victim: creates more and more problem to solve - not because additional real problem exist, but because the attention and affection craves.”  

“The Saver: Solves and solves - not because actually cares about the problems, but because believes must fix others problem in order to deserve attention and affection. ”

Commitments

“Commitments gives you freedom because you're no longer distracted by the unimportant and frivolous. Commitment gives you freedom because it hones your attention and focus, directing them towards what is more efficient at making you healthy and happy. Commitments makes decision-making easier and removes any fear of missing out: knowing that what you already have is good enough, why would you ever stress about chasing more, more, more again? Commitments allows you to focus intently on a few highly important goals and achieve greater degree of success than you otherwise would.” 

Delivering Happiness

Its been a while, a loooong while since I read a book. I have bought this book for quite some time and make a point to read it while traveling to Japan. To my own surprise, this book has moved me. I read it all the way in the six hour flight. I just had a short nap and can't wait to continue my reading.

I felt it. Somehow its relevant. Authentic and fun - that is how Tony Hsieh, CEO of Zappos.com Inc shared his success story in making Zappos.com  - one of the best companies to work for in 2009. In the same year, Zappos was acquired by Amazon in a deal valued at over USD 1.2 billion. Wow!

He has faced difficulties and challenges especially in terms of cash flow and cultivating the culture. Zappos almost closed down, but what keeps Zappos alive is the people. He has the right people at his back to support him. To save Zappos, Tony sold off his loft at 40% lesser than the market value. His partner Fred, willing to a pay cut as long as it covers his monthly fixed rent and bills. There was a moment when the cash in hand only last for one week and the payroll is due.

He has self doubt. He did not have the magic formula. But he believe. He take a risk and changed his business model from a shoes platform to owning the shoes inventory. He make mistakes along the way but continue finding solutions. The book somehow thought me that running a business is a serious business. No time for petty things. Focus focus focus on what need to be done. Set business direction, take risk and build company culture. All play role. No sticking around attitude.

That's why I'm amazed when people wasting their expensive time and energy towards petty things. Involved in creating drama and planned for unnecessary agenda. Somehow I felt that we are going backwards instead of moving forward. Duh. I just can't get it.

This quote, from the book that i like :

It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit - H.S. Truman

Yep. I just want to work, get things done and go home. Who's get the credit, does not matter and if I make mistakes, I own it up. No cover up coz sooner or later it will show up. Accept the mistake, fix it and move on. The way I work, sometime I do give in. That is how I move mountains. I'm willing to give in if it means I can move forward. I don't like running in circle just to hold up principle. Or keep on nagging on the same issue.  I don't have any principle but I do know guided with common sense and good heart I will be fine.

We are not in the movie making industry eh :)

Generation Gap @ Workplace

I just cant help it. Experiencing all sort of generation at work keeps me puzzled. Had a loooong thought about it while doing the no brainer favourite stuff - people watching games :)


This chart will summarized the characteristic.

There was a gen Y candidate coming for interview and the first thing come out from the candidate mouth was - Tell me about your company?


This was funny. Kan.

eat pray love

EAT, PRAY, LOVE – Is a true story - a quest to rediscover oneself in three different places : pleasure in Italy, devotion in India and balance in Bali. I know how the story will end… pretty much from the beginning.

I like the EAT part, which in Italy. The author discovers the best pizza, enroll in Italian language classes and learn the romantic Italian culture. Nice. The excitement started to fade when the author travel to India to PRAY and meditate. It’s increasingly annoying as it was too chatty and draggy. I was hoping that Bali would pick up the momentum back.. as it might close to heart – LOVE. Unfortunately - It was just okay.

But, I still like this book. It’s inspiring to see the risk that people willing to take, in order to start an extraordinary journey.

Soon there will be a movie based on this novel, starring Julia Robert,.. oh well. I shall wait.

for one more day

Not as good as Tuesdays with Morrie… a bit let down. Story of a man who gets the chance to spend one more day with his mother, who died 8 years earlier. it is not something I am likely to remember or reread.

Favorite bits from the book:

I have forgotten so many things in my life, yet I can remember every moment of that time with my mother, the people we saw, the things we discussed. It was so ordinary in so many ways, but as she said, you can find something truly important in an ordinary minute. You may think me crazy, that I imagined the whole thing. But I believe this in the deepest part of my soul: My mother, somewhere between this world and the next, gave me one more day, the day i’d wanted so badly, and she told me all that i’ve told you.

What causes an echo?” she once quizzed me.
The persistence of sound after the source has stopped.
When can you hear an echo?”
When it’s quiet and other sounds are absorbed.
When it’s quiet, I can hear my mothers echo still.


Here is what you are going to find out about marriage: you have to work at it together. And you have to love three things. You have to love
1) each other
2) your children (when you have some! hint hint!)
3) your marriage
What i mean by the last one is, there may be times that you fight, and sometimes you and Catherine won't even like each other. But those are the times you have to love your marriage. It's like a third party. Look at your wedding photos. Look at any memories you've made. And if you believe in those memories, they will pull you back together.

The Zahir

It’s been a while I didn’t write anything about the books I read. So, here one of it that I like and worth reading.

I picked up this book simply because I had read Coelho's book, The Alchemist. I very much enjoyed The Alchemist. He wrote - Zahir, in Arabic, means visible, present, incapable of going unnoticed. It is someone which, once we have come into contact with them or it, gradually occupies our every thought, until we can think of nothing else – Its novel of obsession.

It’s a journey of a man who is searching for his wife, who has disappeared in odd circumstances. The journey forced him to re-examine his own life and marriage. To find his wife, he must find his own self. At the end of it, I couldn’t help but wonder what was inspired – reality, truth or just fiction.

Taken from ‘the zahir’


That is why it is so important to let certain things go. To release them. To cut loose. People need to understand that no one is playing with marked cards; sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Don’t expect to get anything back, don’t expect recognition for your efforts, don’t expect your genius to be discovered or your love to be understood. Complete the circle. Not out of pride, inability or arrogance, but simply because whatever it is no longer fits in your life. Close the door, change the record, clean the house, get rid of the dust. Stop being who you were and become who you are.

I start leafing through it and suddenly I read something that surprises me: The acomodador or giving-up point : there is always an event in our lives that is responsible for us failing to progress; a trauma, a particularly bitter defeat, a disappointment in love, even a victory that we did not understand, can make cowards of us and prevent us from moving on. As part of the process of increasing his hidden powers, the shaman must first free himself from that giving-up point and, to do so, he must review his whole life and find out where it occured.

We need to forget who we think we are in order to become who we really are

Law of Jante: Mediocrity and anonymity are the safest choice. If you opt for them, you will never face any major problems in life. But if you are trying to be different...

one for my baby

Having read and enjoyed Parson's other books I looked forward to read this. I found it dull, depressing and predictable. Nothing makes this book special.. far from his previous book men and wife.

Excerpt that I like :

“To become the master of something, you must eat the cold porridge, Grasshopper.. Actually he never called me Grasshopper. Eating cold porridge – to me its means enduring something that has to be endured. More than that, it means missing someone. Really missing someone. The way I miss her. But she is gone and she is not coming back.”

“It’s strange the way the loss of one person can leave such a giant hole in the middle of your life. It’s not as if the hole they left behind feels like the size of another human being. It feels more like the size of a world.”

“ Its funny. You love something and then one day it’s suddenly gone or changed or lost forever. But somehow that doesn’t stop your love. Maybe that’s how you know it’s the real thing. When it doesn’t come with conditions and get-out clauses, when it doesn’t have a best-by date. When you just give your love, and never stop giving it, and know that you never will. That’s when it is real. That’s when they can never touch it or spoil it or take it away from you.”

Man and Boy - Tony Parsons

Harry had it all: a beautiful wife, an adorable four-year-old son, and a high-paying media job. But on the eve of his thirtieth birthday, with one irresponsible act - having one night stand, he threw it all away. Suddenly he finds himself an unemployed single father trying to figure out how to wash his son's hair the way Mommy did and whether green spaghetti is proper breakfast food.

Excerpt from the book that i like:
How do you do it, Mum?
How do I do what?
How do you manage to carry on after loosing Dad? I mean, you were with him all your life. I cant imagine what it must be like to try to fill a gap that big.
Well, you don't get over it, of course. You can never get over it. I miss him. I'm lonely. Sometimes I'm frightened. And I still have to sleep with the light on. But you have to learn to let go,' my mother said. That's part of it, isn't it?
Part of what?
Part of what it means to love someone. To really love someone. If you love someone then you don't just see them as an extension of yourself. You don't just love them for what's in it for you. Love means knowing when to let go,' she told me.

Man and Wife - Tony Parsons

It’s all about relationship. Relationship between Harry and his wife, his ex wife, his son, his step daughter, his mom, his wife ex husband and his ex wife husband. Complicated eh. This is so called – blended family. Harry is learning to juggle his many role and responsibility plus commitments to his own work and his wife’s career. He wants his marriage works this time around. And then someone walks into his life who is going to make all even more complicated.

I love this book. It has it all. It’s honestly explained about marriage life and family, about making mistakes, about forgiveness, about why we fall in love and why we marry – about why we stay and why we go.

Excerpt from this book that I like:

"But how did you and Dad do it, mum? How do you love someone for a lifetime? How do you make a marriage work for all that time? My mum didn’t even have to think about it. “You have to keep falling in love,” she said. “You just have to keep falling in love with the same person.’

“Kazumi’s great,” Earmon said. “But the world is full of great women. That’s what romantic fools like you never admit. There are a million great women out there. Ten millions. You could be in love with any one of them. Given the right circumstances, given timing. Sooner or later you have to stop tormenting yourself with the thought that there’s just one out there with your name on. You have to be happy with what you’ve got. You have to love the one you’re with. You have to say – this is my home now, this is my wife and this is where I’m staying. Stop looking, Harry. Just stop looking, will you?
From long ago, I heard the voices of my parents. Just rest your eyes, my mum and dad would tell me. Just rest your eyes.

Open House

I bought this book simply because it is in the list of Oprah Book Club Selection. Overall, there’s nothing special about this book. Very easy reading and my brain doesn't have to stop, think and read the whole sentence again. How come Oprah chooses this book. Entahlah. It’s a sad story but not to sad, one with a happy ending: woman loses self, finds self, meets man, and lives happily ever after. There’s goes my RM29.30. Luckily I purchase it online – ebook version – which is cheaper.

do you believe in star signs?

The Scorpio is one of the most prominent of all the zodiac signs. It represents one of the strongest, intelligent signs. The Scorpio personality is usually powerfully intense, strong, and persistent, and the trait of the Scorpio varies with both positive and negative characteristics. Overall, Scorpio's are generally powerful, independent, strong and probing.

Scorpio’s are strong, deep, mysterious, complex, and also secretive. They love to unveil the mysteries of life, and are usually very emotional, often keeping their own deepest mysteries and trials to themselves. Their emotions are often hidden or disguised by strength and motivation. They may appear to calm, stable and self controlling, but in reality they are actually very emotional individuals. The Scorpio personality is unlike any astrologically designed persona. Although it is extremely powerful, without the persistency of their own self discipline, they are more susceptible to pain. And when there is pain present, Scorpio’s feel it like no other because they are so deep.

Scorpio’s prove to be excellent friends. They are loyal and committed to their companions and are often vital roles in the lives of the one’s who love them. They are also extremely passionate lovers, but tend to be more complicated in the world of romance. The typical Scorpio believes in commitment and even marriage, usually only involving themselves with one partner at a time. Although, the Scorpio personality is one that will cherish the true aspects of love, they are more susceptible to receiving a broken heart because of their emotional traits.

Scorpio does have a problem with jealousy sometimes, and they really do have to work on it. Most of them will require proof before actually accusing, but some will go with their instinct. Since they are so intuitive, sometimes they "know" without proof, so if you are with a Scorpio,…… :-)

Scorpions are a go anywhere type of bunch that love to travel. However, more than the actual travel is the experience gained from such adventurous places as India, Mozambique, or Algeria. Scorpios prefer interesting places where things can be learned to places with pretty scenery and landscapes. Scorpios prefer to travel alone but are not against going in a group. When traveling with them, be prepared to follow their agenda as they will not let anything they wish to do be preempted by a group vote.

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and what's yours??

Selasa bersama Morrie

Book Blessing: Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albon

It was humbling, this book can teach anyone how to live life without the fear of death, or how to live life knowing full well we're gonna die soon.

My favorite part of this book

• "Well, how can you do that if you’re detached?“Ah. You’re thinking, Mitch. But detachment doesn’t mean you don’t let the experience penetrate you. On the contrary, you let it penetrate you fully. That’s how you are able to leave it... If I hold back on the emotions – if you don’t allow yourself to go all the way through them – you can never get to being detached; you’re too busy being afraid. You’re afraid of the pain, you’re afraid of the grief. You’re afraid of the vulnerability that loving entails. But by throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowing yourself to dive in, all the way, over your head even, you experience them fully and completely. You know what pain is. You know what love is. You know what grief is. And only then can you say, “all right. I have experienced that emotion. I recognize that emotion. Now I need to detach from that emotion for a moment.”
• we feel lonely, sometimes to the point of tears, but we don’t let those tears come because we are not supposed to cry. Or how we feel a surge of love for a partner but we don’t say anything because we’re frozen with the fear of what those words might do to the relationship
• "i've learned this much about marriage. You get tested. You find out who you are, who the other person is, and how you accommodate or don't.
  
  Is there some kind of rule to know if a marriage is going to work?
  
  Things are not simple, Mitch. Still, he said. 'There are a few rules i know to be true about love and marriage:
  If you don't respect the other person, you're gonna have a lot of trouble.
  If you don't know how to compromise, you're gonna have a lot of trouble.
  If you can't talk openly about what goes on between you, you're gonna have a lot of trouble.
  And if you don't have a common set of values in life, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. Your values must be alike.
  And the biggest one of those value.... your belief in the importance of your marriage"

I saw his new book on the shelf... "For one More Day". It will be my next book to read.. after I’ve finish reading my current book lah of course. Happy reading!

The Four Stages of Grief

AKA: How Much Longer Until I Feel Good Again?
by Laura Dawn Lewis

Definition of Grief:
The emotional depiction of great loss accompanied by a sense of hopelessness, anguish, denial, anger and confusion.

Stage 1: Denial
Denial can happen in two ways, either it's that nagging little voice in the back of your mind that keeps telling you that it’s time to get out of the relationship and you keep it gagged, making excuses and rationalizing why you need to stay. Or, the object of your affection has left, stopped calling, stood you up repeatedly, not invited you to important events…basically, you are abandoned emotionally or physically. The hard thing about denial is you deny your in it.

Stage 2: Depression

Okay, you admit it. It’s over and you know he/she isn't coming back, ever. The depression phase is about extremes. Suddenly, life feels like it’s over. The sun has stopped shinning. You’re in a daze and the pain and agony are so overwhelming you cannot remember the last time you smiled. Your bad habits become amplified. If you smoke, you smoke more. If you drink, you now want to be drunk and you may eat constantly or not at all. Mostly, life is full of malaise and even routine tasks become drudgery, while work nearly impossible or an obsession. When you finally admit it's over, the hardest part of grief begins: depression.

Stage 3: Anger

Rejoice! If you are feeling anger toward your ex, you are almost home free. This is the final stage that takes some work getting through but it also means that soon you’ll be back to your old self again. Anger is a familiar emotion to men; as a man you have little difficulty in expressing it because society accepts anger from you. Women on the other hand have difficulty with anger and its manifestation can take on characteristics that make it look like depression. Women tend to internalize anger or display it via passive-aggressive behavior like a compliment followed by an action of aggression. Anger is part of recovery, but it can turn the sweetest person into a veritable nightmare if not managed properly.

Stage 4: Acceptance (hurray!)

You've made it and now you are finally ready mentally, physically and spiritually to meet Mr. or Mrs. Right. Now is the time to start dating again, getting back into circulation and moving on.

Welcome Back to Your Life! (Hurray!)
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Q: where am i now?

A: 85% Acceptance 15% Anger