Tragedy

 Hello.

When tragedy happens, your world STOP. Your brain works extra hard processing information and your body shutting down. You may have panic attack, difficulty to breathe and becoming weak. 

Due to the tragedy, you are now in the trauma ward. Trying to survive the tragedy. The recovery depends on the severity of the damage. 

Of tragedy and trauma, you realised that you will never be the same person again. You're broken and no matter how much you try to normalised your world - it will never be the same.

Not saying you become better or become worst. No.

Just that you never be the same person again.

Aren't we are all a work in progress.

January Me

Sinking... again

So, no more throwback. What next?

I'm finally settled. 

My new house project completed. No more budget to spend. Now paying debts. Huh

My old house in KL now rented out. I'm happy and relief. I managed to go thru the process of cleaning, throwing, donating and fixing the house. Very super tiring. Once the house looks presentable to be tented I contacted agent to market it. Some of the stuff I bring to Penang. Then just campak to all the empty cupboard. Until now tak senang to sort out. 

Pheww.. all that completed and done. I'm now settle at one place only. No more nomad life. It feels good. I mean Gooooood. 

New house already one year old. 

My heart broken again. Now going thru grief.

What next? I need new project.

HNY 2018

Last minute, i decided to be in KL and spending my last day of 2017 with the girls. Took 1.30am bus, arrived tbs 6.30am.

We had lunch, karaoke and movie (The Greatest Showman) before saying goodbye to 2017 with fireworks. Honestly, there was moment I felt I missed KL. For sure, being with friends that I know for many years is one of it.

I realised that open up myself to new circle of friends takes time. I have been very cautious on what im sharing and I always keep my distance.

A short trip like this, I may repeat again. Just to touch base. Penang island can be suffocating sometimes. 

I have long to do list and no motivation or somewhat inspiration to start. Hmm... dont think this short trip help tho.. hahaha.

Why...???

I unable to reason out why I stop blogging. Its just happen..

Meninggalkan 2015

2015 punya warna dan corak tersendiri.  Moga 2016 lebih bermakna dan dipermudahkan untuk saya melaluinya.

All of us, 27 Dec 2015

Happy Birthday Mak, Bayou Resort Melaka

View from my window - Happy New Year Penang!

Pssst.. hey you

Yes you.

Can i share my secret with you? Promise you keep it to yourself .

I'm tired. I miss home.

But I don't  know  where my home is.

My new Thing

Being with nature is part of my new thing

My new 'uniform'

Lonely Road

I have been wanting to write like many many times. But it always ended in my mind. Things have changed.. a lot and i always remind myself to be patience and always rise above. Be the bigger person.

The road seems lonely here. No family and no friends. All strangers. All new. It feels like starting all over again. I'm not saying is bad nor good. It's  just another challenge to grow.

I'm adjusting. I'm trying. I'm learning.

Strange but i admit, i'm lonely.

P/S.. No, I don't  hate 😁

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Happy Birthday Sue!

Hello

 

Nobody wish me Happy Birthday in person yesterday because nobody knew. I kept it to myself. I had a farewell lunch with the team and then dinner with my friend's parent and ended my birthday by sleeping on the couch.

 

Hello

 

I have new place to call home, new office to work, new friend to say hi and new food to taste. The bed still wakes me up everyday at 5am no matter how late I slept. I can see the beach from my window and the air just feel cleaner. Be kind to me Penang.

 

Hello

 

My post become lesser. Once a month now. I hope you don't just disappeared BlogSpot. I have been writing to you since 2006, we are almost reaching to year ten. How times flies kan.

 

Hello

 

Dear Work. Can you be easy on me please. Can we have our mutual understanding on this. You can have all of me five days a week and let me free on those two days :D Thank you for your kind understanding.

 

Hello...

You

Missing u much Maldives

I just need to be back in Maldives. Enough said.

One Year Old

Merdeka and i am one year old. Continue walking.. hair down, chin up and smile.

Will our path crossed, one day?

Depart from Senai airport for the first time, pm. Safely arrived, heading Armenian Street. Hello Penang.

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Restore

Five full days with Penang team and HK team really depleted my energy. When I arrived home on Thursday night, I was already weak and looking forward to sleep on my own bed. I can't really slept for all those four nights at the nice boutique hotel. Entah lah.. ada je yang tak kena. I woke up at 5am everyday.

I took out my lens, brush my teeth, changed my clothes, switched off the light and then hopped to bed. I really miss you bed. It was one of those deep sleep i had. But the tiredness was still there and all day at work, I cant wait to meet Saturday.

Today, early morning I spent more than 2 hours to watch 3 episode of Grey's Anatomy. Oh no... they killed Mc Dreamy. Sad. Then I start unpack my bag, sort out my dirty clothes for laundry and iron, vacuum and mop the apt and then cook some simple dish. In the evening, I take a nap. Oh.. that luxury nap.

I felt okay now. I restore myself when I'm alone :)

Why do bad things happen to good people? We ask that question so often it’s become a cliche. But that’s because bad things do happen to good people, constantly. You just have to hope when it’s your turn, you’ll know what to do, how to cope, how to persevere. But the truth is, you don’t know how you will react to a worst case scenario. None of us do, not until it happens. - Meredith Grey

Flat Tired

Yesterday, I had difficulty to do things. I meant to get up and do something. I was flat. I just lie and watched TV and do nothing. I'm not sick. I'm just flat and my body refused to do anything and my mind can't stop thinking. My mind restless and My body flat.

Oh my. My body giving signal. 

Reflect back, I was in Ho Chi Minh City until late Sunday and the next day trying hard to focus on all the heavy discussion as my boss flew in. Then we flew to Penang until Friday. The entire week filled with many many heavy discussions. I reached KLIA2 around 6 pm, Friday and rushing to the laundry as I need to packed for US trip the next day. I went to the office as early as 6.30 am to complete some work and then collect my laundry and packed my bag to KLIA. I was rushing and stress out... until i hopped on to the plane to USA where I left everything behind. No turning back. 

Tired.

As introvert, I need my hamster time, my quiet time to regain my energy. My battery went dead.

2014 : a Year to Remember

HaHaHa

Happy New Year!!

Twenty Fourteen was memorable in both ways, good and not so good. It was meant to be for me. Like what people always said - Things may well get worse before they get better. I don't think any of us will forget twenty fourteen. 

This was what i wrote on 1 Jan 2014

I can feel that in 2014 the the road will get bumpier, the road will be windier and perhaps the light is getting dimmer at the end of the road. I have to be strong. I have to be brave. I have to wear my gladiator suite. 

I decided to step back, put down my gladiator suite and walked away. It was not easy but somehow at that moment, I gained some clarity on why I must do it. Even at this current moment, I'm very clear on reasons and intentions made. You just know when it's time, before it turns sour.

I'm happy that I left in a good way. It may not perfect, but we didn't hurt each other. We chose to be kind and left the unnecessary behind, unspoken. We still communicate through emails and at the moment I'm helping out to wrap up 2014. I'm more that happy to assist without any expectation in return as I believe for those thirteen years, I want to remember that you have treated me good. In other words, it's me saying thank you very much :)

I did not travel much as things have gone haywire. Perhaps 2014 meant for me to stay foot to clean up. No new country visited as I'm too lazy to do research. As a result, only Maldives that really meaningful and no more Australia after this, I think. But, as always, I'm grateful.

Jan/Feb - Perth, Australia

April - Ho Chi Minh, Vietnam

June - Maldives

Nov - Gold Coast, Australia

Dec - Ho Chi Minh, Vietnam

Dear 2015, 

Please be better.

Thank You.

Hello... me

Wow.. exactly a month not writing a single sentence. Not even one post on my birthday! I missed it. Work and Play has been okay, if not good. Alhamdullilah.

Stumble upon this guide understanding introverted. Whoever done this, PERFECT.

Finally, I'm having my hamster ball day today. Enjoying it 100%. Has been fully occupied every weekends. Time to recharge my energy bucket. Yay!

Surf More?

I have been contemplating which data plan should i subscribe? Since I have returned company data card, I have been relying on my current data plan of 3GB which is not sufficient. My current commitment will end next month. Time to change.

At first I'm eager with Maxis fibre plan, then I got to know they also use TM line which means support will be slow. Then I explore Unifi since I have not encountered any problem using them in the office.

Then I stop. Back to reality.

I hardly stays at home. Weekends seems impossible to just be lazy at home. I'm always on the move.

Back to Maxis. Surf More plan with 5GB is doable. They have promotion with astro on the go. Additional 2GB given foc just to watch Astro channel. Maxis zero plan is not bad either. But the data plan not good enough.

Begitulah....

After 30 days...

Lill things that changed.

1. Sunrise, sunset, dawn and dusk

The opportunity that I had, everyday while driving - Monday to Friday. Sunrise give me sense of hope, a new beginning and opportunity to be better than yesterday. TO DO LIST. Sunset give me time to reflect my accomplishment, my day and where does the time go? RESULT. This is what happening inside my mind, everyday while driving and watching the sun up and down.

2. PC is my best friend

I've been using PC in office and home. Kind of like it. It's faster, i think. Not sure why. But things are faster. Not to worry, dear Note II. You're still my number one. I sleep with you everyday. 

3. Why everyone names start with A

Yep. I have Adi, Alee, Albert, Allen, Alan, Ali, Angela, Aza, Azhar, Azimah, Azrin and Agnes.

4. Alone and Loving it

I'm on my own. My boss is thousands miles away. My one and only colleague always on site. I don't intend to make friends... i mean best buddy. No. I don't share my personal life. Its just a casual chat. Hi, good morning, makan dah.. and that's it. The rest is just work. I go out for lunch alone, everyday. I'm enjoying my quiet time.

5. 100%

Last month, I reached 100% of my free talk time of 600 minutes = 10 hrs for the first time. Kira rekod la ni. Gila lama cakap.. 10 jam. Same goes to my data plan of 3GB, reached 100% (but this is not my first time).

6. 8.30pm

On 29 th Sept, Monday.. I slept at 8.30pm. Fuyooo. Kepenatan. From 6.30 am until 4.45 pm i'm out on the road. From US Embassy to HSBC Lebuh Ampang to KLCC to Binjai to Troika and lastly, home. Pengsan.

7. Don't call me baby

at 6.01 pm.. cause I'm no more available to assist you. I need to join my other friends on the road queuing. Its unpredictable. It may took me 45 mins, one hour, 1hour15 mins, 1hour30 mins or two hours. Oh!

8. Inefficiency

I hate inefficiency. Period.

9. Rain..

makes me nervous. Coz it may cause flash floods, extra traffic jams and low visibility. I never felt nervous with rain. But now, I do.

10. Sleep now.

Wake up time.. 5.30 am

OKBYE

US Visa Application

1. Opening

I applied US visa without having proper plan and reasons. The only justification why i'm willing to pay RM512 is because i have time. Honestly, I don't know when will i be able to step on US soil.. it seems so far far away.

2. Fill up forms and payment

I paid visa fee prior to submission of the application form. Once paid, i have no more excuses to procrastinate or to change my mind. Half way through the questions,  i stop. Contemplating whether i should be 100% honest or tweak my answer to be more convincing. A friend of mine gave me his friend address, currently working in US.

3. How to answer

Finally,  i decided to be honest. I don't know anyone in US, i pay for my own expenses and i will be going there by myself, most probably in a group tour. I don't have air ticket, booking form from any travel agent and i use hotel address, near JFK airport as address/place to stay.

It took me about 2 hours to fill up the form as i recheck my info many many time prior to submission. Once submitted, print the confirmation of application.

4. Select interview date

I selected end of sept, so that i can reflect my salary from new co in the bank stt, 8.50 am. Please print confirmation slip for the interview.

5. Supporting Doc

The most time consuming is the preparation of the supporting doc. I compile everything into one clear folder (employment contract, 3 mths payslip, bank statement, epf statement, loan statement,  s&p, degree certificate, sample itinerary and hotel info).

6. The Day

I dressed casually,  shirt and jeans. Get out frm house at 6.30 am. Road super clear. Parking .. I just park my car at Menara See Hoy Chan (the brown color building, next to US Embassy). Parking rate, 1st hour RM 3 and RM 1.50 / hour thereafter. No need to be so early like me.. the guard will only allow you to queue when it's near to your appointment time. Surprisingly,  the queue was not that long. Yep. Maybe its autumn and winter season soon.

7. The interview

It took more than 30 mins for the couple before me to finished their interview.  Based on their faces, i think it was unsuccessful. Nervous gila rasa dlm hati apalagi bila mengenangkan RM 512 yg tidak dipulangkan jika gagal.

Saya: Good Morning
Mat Salleh: Good morning, how are you?
Saya: I'm good. Thank you.
Mat Salleh: Why are you going to US?
Saya: For sightseeing
Mat Salleh: How long?
Saya: 12 days
Mat Salleh: You intend to go by yourself?
Saya: Yes, by myself with a group tour
Mat Salleh: Do you travel alot? Where?
Saya: Yes.. to bla..bla..bla
Mat Salleh: Tell me about your job?
Saya: bla bla bla...
Mat Salleh: Tgk monitor sambil menaip. Ok your visa approved. We will send to the address given.
Saya: Thank you very much... dengan senyuman hingga ke telinga.

8. Closing

Alhamdulillah.  Dua minit yang begitu bermakna. Rasa berbaloi effort yg berjam-jam itu. Visa for 10 years, expires 2024

US.. see you soon. Dec? Entah. Mungkin :)

Unpredictable days...

view from my desk

WORK

It has been 20 days in the new place. The first week was like catching things flying above your head so that it won’t touch the ground. Things are flying fast. So you need to be like calamari with many hands. This exclude urgent task that come from nowhere without any sign. Oh boy, I was having FUN. I have a lot of things to catch up and learn.. which is good, a sign of growth :) I have a very small team. One un-function, the whole team collapse. We rent a small room with dedicated phone, fax and internet line. Distraction is lesser. I don’t have to be responsible for maintenance of the OFFICE and the PEOPLE. I can simply says.. I’m sorry, I don’t know. I’m new here :D

ROAD TRAFFIC

is terrific. Return trip from home to office will consume minimum 2 ½ hours daily. I already knew my preferred route, which lane I should take, what time I should leave home & office and my parking spot. I just have to endure and make use of it. Sipping coffee early morning inside the car with kuih or sandwich is my routine now. Yep, now I prepare breakfast or sometime, fried mee hoon from the stall. I usually reach office 45 mins early and reach home before Maghreb prayers ends. Being far from office is an opportunity to discipline myself, 5 days for work and 2 days for myself.

TIME

I read a lot of stuff over the internet on managing my time. How to be more productive, efficient and meaningful.. (sometime taking nap or sleep extra 2 hrs also meaningful and priceless ok…). One of the changes I made is to do a time log. So I can monitor how long things take, what task completed/ pending and to answer my own important question: of where does the time go? Also, a bit of planning on how I want to spend my weekend (usually while I’m driving) since it is precious too. 

PEOPLE

I’m back -reaching out to my family and friends that I have left for few months due to the transition. Thank you for your understanding, especially mom with lesser phone calls and no visit at all. Yeay! Since saya menumpang office orang, things also have been good. Office colleagues have their own expertise from accounting, tax, company secretary and consultancy. I just need to ask.

TRAVEL

It has been ages I’m trap not going anywhere. At first, I wanted to go to US for Christmas and New Year but few friends say it’s not a good timing since winter is heavy and will be tiresome to move around. So postpone. Since I’m also lazy, maybe I want to consider Japan, a solo trip maybe. A short one. US can wait next year. I submitted my US visa application yesterday. The interview session scheduled on 29th this mth. Wish me luck, I don’t want to lose the visa fees. Mahal tu.. RM512 

END

It’s interesting… when days are unpredictable. You don’t know what to expect. It’s a mystery and Allah knows best :)