Promise?

Me: Doc, my heart hurts

Doctor: If you wait long enough, it passes

Me: Promise?

Doctor: I Promise

Painkiller Please

I need painkiller for my heart

far far away

View from my kitchen window - klcc and menara kl - using camera phone

p/s azreena.... bila nak duduk sama ni....

Of Lifestyle and Flexibility

I always believed in keeping real. Being realistic with what I have and what I want. Maybe the way I grew up and the job that I hold now makes me the way I am today.

I used to think that how I appear to other people doesn’t really matter…I mean in terms of how I physically appear to people. I've never cared whether I appeared to have money, to other people. It's a personal matter.

I believed what’s inside us matter - for the person that I am and for the person I want to be. My being, interest and passion – are the value that counts. Not for what I wear, what car I drive or how big my house is.

But maybe it does matter.

These days, to earn respect you need to have big car (or bigger car), big house and branded items and clothes. The world judged you from your appearance and that’s all they need to know. The cover is a very important than the book. They didn’t care how wise you are in managing your money… they didn’t care how much your debt is or how many credit card you have in order to survive your monthly expenses.

Ohhh……. This is what we called life with a style = LIFESTYLE

As for now, let me be different. I’m happy with my own mr kancil and my new apartment. Let me enjoy the flexibility of my income and avoid any headache at the end of the month. I’m okay to live my life with No Style. I want fulfill my other dreams before I purchase a bigger car. Yes... I will change my car. But I won’t spend too much on it.

It’s depreciate every year :-)

Descending @ Tioman

Living In Denial

Am I living in the land of denial?

Answer:

YES

Why?

Answer:

Because in the land of denial life seems nearly perfect. I have what I want and what I need. Life is easy with abundance of joy and happiness. It’s like having a dream that I don’t want to wake up. Enjoying every moment of it and wishing that it’s more than just a moment of my life. Unfortunately, Mr. Reality is at my side to wake me up.

I don’t know how long I want to be in this land.

To walk out from this land means to face the truth. Facing things I don’t want to face. The truth is too hard to handle. Hurt, pain, anger, fear, disappointment and the overwhelming sadness.


knock..knock

Whose there?

Mr. Reality

end

The Pieces Don't Fit Anymore

have you heard of this song? its in my favourite list...
__________________

I've been twisting and turning,
In a space that's too small.
I've been drawing the line and watching it fall,
You've been closing me in, closing the space in my heart.
Watching us fading and watching it all fall apart.

Well I can't explain why it's not enough, Cause I gave it all to you.
And if you leave me now, oh just leave me now.
It's the better thing to do,
It's time to surrender,
It's been to long pretending.
Theres no use in trying,
When the pieces don't fit anymore, Pieces don't fit here anymore.

You pulled me under,
If I had to give in.
Such a beautiful myth,
That's breaking my skin.
Well I'll hide all the bruises,
I'll hide all the damage that's done.
But I show how I'm feeling until all the feeling has gone.

Ooh don't misunderstand,
How I feel.
Cause I've tried, yes I've tried.
But still I don't know why, no I don't know why.
I don’t know why...... why

by James Morrison

Walk Away....

The other day, when I was in the meeting with our angel investor, one question struck my head. My boss had been asked by our angel, repeatedly few times
'What is your bottom line... what is your bottom line when you know it’s the time to walk away without the deal? I want you to give me your bottom line price? Give me your number?

I asked the same question to myself. What is my bottom line? What is my bottom line to know it’s the time to walk away from any so called relationship.

It’s time to walk away when the other party gives me some sign that he doesn’t want to be with me and in my world… and why in the world should I be with someone who doesn't want to be with me.

When deep deep down inside I know it’s the right thing to do. That's my bottom line.

Luak Bay Esplanade, Miri

Falling

a successfull marriage requires falling in love many times,

always with the same person

-Anonymous-

Jazzily Miri

I’m not a jazz person. In fact I don’t know how to define what jazz music is all about and I don’t even own a jazz album. But hey, there’s a first for everything, right?

Last weekend, without having any expectation, I’m having a great time listening and watching eight bands from all over the world performing what is called JAZZ music.

The eight bands are

Day One –Friday, 11 May 2007

1.The David Gomez Sextet from Malaysia featuring Junji Delfino from Philippines

2. KCP4 from India and Germany

3. Lluis Coloma from Spain

4. The Dirty Dozen Brass Band from New Orleans, USA

Day Two –Saturday, 12 May 2007

1. Orak Naa Naa from Morocco and Germany

2. George WashingMachine Quartet from Australia, UK and France

3. Habana Sax from Cuba (my favorite off all band)

4. and once again The Dirty Dozen Brass Band from New Orleans, USA

Lastly, Son2Nos from UK, Venezuela and Philippines who perform under the stars (on the open space) on both nights. WOW!

I'm Happy For You

Congratulation

Pissed Off

Thursday I was so pissed off over very very small and insignificant things. You know that feeling you get when someone does something that makes your blood boil + your face turns red + the muscle in your throat tighten.

Goshhh! I hate it. And at the end of the day, I regret having my energy wasted whereas I have so many other things to handle and manage.

and I’m impressed on how a friend of mine can stay cool almost all the time despite all the pressure and limitation he’s facing right now. I think I should learn the art of being cool.

Diving definitely can calm me down… hmmmmm

I am a...

Read my VisualDNA™ ;

I’m a Wild Cat, Escape Artist, Junkie Monkey, Love Bug.

All you have to do is click on the picture that best describes how you feel about the topic, and at the end your results are tabulated and you get your profile.

Aahhh, we can never hear enough about ourselves.

Keeping It Real

Life is feeling a little hectic at the moment.

Work is insane. Friends and social life quiet. “Igloo” project – work in progress.

Relationship? Well, let's just put it this way - if "Relationship 101" were offered as a subject in school, I would have managed an F-minus. I would have been the worst student.

And below are three quotes that caught my eye….

Life can be so good if we choose to be happy and love the
people that we have, as opposed to people we imagine, we deserve
-anonymous-

The secret lies in the present - if you pay attention to
the present,
you will be able to improve it. And if you improve the present,
whatever happens afterwards will be better too. Each day brings us Eternity.
-Paulo Coelho in The Alchemist-

A happy marriage is a long
conversation which always seems too short
-Andre
Maurios-

On Being Needed and Wanted

" The happiest people in the world are not those who have no problems, But
those who learn to live with things that are less than perfect."

____________________________________

There is a major difference in being needed and being wanted.

Sometimes, as i grow up it becomes good enough to be needed. i can't seem to distinguish anymore between that…. the feeling of being wanted - truly wanted for who you are and being needed - for people to acknowledge that my presence makes a difference or solution.

And i start feeling like maybe being needed, is just as good as being wanted.

But no it's not, really. It's nowhere near, as good - and I still remember what it feels like to be wanted and how good that is – where i might not settle for just being needed, as and when the need arises.

Being wanted means that a person chose to be there with me, not because circumstances has somewhat forced him to do so. Being wanted, means the other person is there for me because I’m just as important as he is, if not more. It's the choice - the commitment and willingness behind the choice - that makes it all so sweet.

Yes, i'm okay with being needed - but i realized today, how much i'd rather be wanted.

Happy day at PD

do you believe in star signs?

The Scorpio is one of the most prominent of all the zodiac signs. It represents one of the strongest, intelligent signs. The Scorpio personality is usually powerfully intense, strong, and persistent, and the trait of the Scorpio varies with both positive and negative characteristics. Overall, Scorpio's are generally powerful, independent, strong and probing.

Scorpio’s are strong, deep, mysterious, complex, and also secretive. They love to unveil the mysteries of life, and are usually very emotional, often keeping their own deepest mysteries and trials to themselves. Their emotions are often hidden or disguised by strength and motivation. They may appear to calm, stable and self controlling, but in reality they are actually very emotional individuals. The Scorpio personality is unlike any astrologically designed persona. Although it is extremely powerful, without the persistency of their own self discipline, they are more susceptible to pain. And when there is pain present, Scorpio’s feel it like no other because they are so deep.

Scorpio’s prove to be excellent friends. They are loyal and committed to their companions and are often vital roles in the lives of the one’s who love them. They are also extremely passionate lovers, but tend to be more complicated in the world of romance. The typical Scorpio believes in commitment and even marriage, usually only involving themselves with one partner at a time. Although, the Scorpio personality is one that will cherish the true aspects of love, they are more susceptible to receiving a broken heart because of their emotional traits.

Scorpio does have a problem with jealousy sometimes, and they really do have to work on it. Most of them will require proof before actually accusing, but some will go with their instinct. Since they are so intuitive, sometimes they "know" without proof, so if you are with a Scorpio,…… :-)

Scorpions are a go anywhere type of bunch that love to travel. However, more than the actual travel is the experience gained from such adventurous places as India, Mozambique, or Algeria. Scorpios prefer interesting places where things can be learned to places with pretty scenery and landscapes. Scorpios prefer to travel alone but are not against going in a group. When traveling with them, be prepared to follow their agenda as they will not let anything they wish to do be preempted by a group vote.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

and what's yours??

The Last Kiss

From the movie "The Last Kiss", was a memorable line from Tom Wilkinson's character, on the issue of love:-

"What you feel, only matters to you. It's what you do, to the people you say you love - that's what matters. It's the only thing that counts".

Ponder upon that for a while - you'll be surprised.

Shades of Gray

Do life always filled with black and white answers? Or right and wrong answers? See the funny thing about life is that when you take a hard look you find that there are many shades of gray. Sometimes those shades are helpful. Sometimes those are the moments in which you find the brightest colors and sometimes it is where the darkness hides.

Bangau oh bangau

It’s been past a week from my awesome 10 days Mulu trip. All the pain and bruises has gone :-) It was one of the most challenging, exciting, fun and tough journey I had. I’m glad I did it before I get older and older. The trip was not a cup of tea for me… but I know its worth all the pain and effort. Now, I’m still in the office… I need to catch up things… and clear up my table before its get worst. Will upload the photo soon :-)

Do you know how we sometimes find excuses and blame when things do not go our way? Remember that rhyme we use to learn when we were small, "Bangau oh Bangau, kenapa engkau kurus? Macam mana aku tak kurus, ikan tidak timbul. Ikan oh Ikan kenapa kau tak timbul? Macam mana aku nak timbul, rumput panjang sangat. Rumput oh rumput kenapa panjang sangat? Macam mana aku tak panjang kerbau tak makan aku. Kerbau oh kerbau kenapa tak makan rumput? Macam mana aku nak makan, perut aku sakit" ...and so the story goes. See how we tend to find excuses, blame and finger point? So, when we give excuses, it’s called “bangau-ing”.

It takes strength to choose to stop being a victim and accept responsibility of my own actions. The truth is, I’m very well know whatever reasons or excuses (i.e. Bangau) i give can be solved and that there are many choices and ways to solve the problem. But I just choose to keep on mem – bangau sahaja…

So, now…I’m trying so hard to stop mem-bangau, take charge, get it done and move on. Somehow Mulu trip has inspired me to stop mem-bangau. Good luck Sue dan Bangaunya :-D !

A Place Called Home

Have you ever been in a situation where you should be happy but you’re not?. I’ve been trying so hard to be so called "happy" but deep down inside, I feel miserable….

May I have the strength to begin with :-)

OK.. MOVE ON… NEXT

Here is the lyric of a song that I fell in love with.. by Jaclyn Victor and Same Same, Without You. Loved it so much. It puts a smile on my face and brightens up my day. Walla….


The first time I saw you, I knew
I knew I loved you 'cause my heart stopped
The first time I held you, I knew
I knew I love you 'cause my heart stopped

'Cause I.. la la la la la la
Love You..

Love can make you feel so funny
No house, no car, not even money
Will make me feel the way
What I’m really trying to say
Can’t live another day
Without you

The first time I kissed you I knew
I knew I had you 'cause your heart stopped
The first time I missed you I knew
I knew I never wanna leave you

Love can make you feel so funny
No house, no car, not even money
Will make me feel the way
What I’m really trying to say
Can’t live another day
Without you

'Cause I.. la la la la la la
Love You..

Because I.. la la la
Love You.. Love You..
--------------------------------------------------
I think I’ve let myself being vulnerable again…

Yaaamm Seeeng

Wedding...oh wedding... what it is about wedding that makes me tired. Its not that i hate wedding... but most of the time i feel fake.. don't know why... But of course I do want to celebrate their love To my beloved friend,

in love did you fall

dating, proposals, rehearsals

and a wedding to follow

may bliss shine down upon you

and give you peace

may you keep your word close to your heart,

as you walk the path of matrimony

...................................................................

who's next?

cotton candy

People ask me: “Do you have a boyfriend?”
I would ponder and tell them no.
And they’d ask me why.
And I’d always say: “I’m enjoying my single life.”
If I were to be honest, I would have said: “I don’t know why.” And that’d be the truth.
I admit that I can fancy people easily. But I don’t easily fall in love. Liking someone, is not loving someone. It’s just not the same.
What do I look for in a guy? They would ask. Questions, questions…
Well, fundamentally, I just want someone who would want to be part of my world, I guess. My strange and peculiar world. Someone who can make me wants to be part of his world too. It’s about sharing not owning... (i know i sound absurd)
Now I’m scared. I’ve always been scared. And I’m sick of that.
“Scared of what?” You ask.
I’m scared of being hurt once more. Scared that I’m being hurt by something that was actually never meant to be. Scared of the one I might fall for, and end up being disappointed. I’m scared that all I thought to be true……were just mere lies…
I’m scared of my imagination, for it can run so wild beyond your imagination.
If that last truth was true…then above all…I fear that he stopped loving me, because of a stupid misunderstanding, a stupid mistake, and because…because… arghhhh

Goodbye & Welcome

It’s here. 2007. The New Year ... again.

As the thought finally hit me earlier today, looking back, I couldn’t help but feel that 2006 had passed surprisingly quickly. Break-ups, family troubles, financial issues, health problems … it was all there. Yet…I resigned myself to think that 2006 wouldn’t be the worst year of my life.

I don’t have any resolution for this year. Does that mean I’m not giving a commitment towards my own life? Am I afraid to explore what is out there for me? Or is it my very own power that I’m afraid to trust?

Happy New Year my dear friends !
Mon, 1/1/07