Count my Blessings

not my wrinkles :)

Conversation with my doctor earlier today (I have been loyal to him more than 4 years, I think)

Me: I keep on getting the same cough, over and over again. Like before. Should I be worried? 

Doctor: No fever, no headache or body pain?

Me: No. Just cough and flu and my lungs hurt  since I cough very loud.

Doctor: (After checking my temperature and breathing). Your record is good actually. 

Me: Good?

Doctor: This year you only visit me four time. In Jan for food poisoning,  in May for umrah vaccination,  July for coughing and now for the same reason. So you only sick twice a year. U score A.

Me: Really? Hmmm.. Contemplating the input

Doctor: Last year, you see me twice for the same reason. So you are good. No worries. 

Me: Ok laaa.

Doctor: So i will prescribe you with antibiotics, high dose of cough syrup to be taken at night only and medication for your lungs.

Me: Ok laaa

There's goes my RM 56.00 :)

Thinking back, yeah right. Last year and this year I didn't take any mc. Alhamdulillah.  Syukur. Di beri kesihatan yang terbaik terutama ketika menunaikan umrah. (Despite me being lazy - no excesice, no restrictions on food, not enough sleep, not enough of plain water, stress, no supplement no multi vitamin).

So today, before my birthday end.. and before the cough syrup starts showing its drowsiness effect, I just want to be GRATEFUL for everything in my life, the good and the bad and the in between.

And my hope for all of you,

Feed me Sugar Coated lies

or be brutally honest with me.

Which one you prefer?

When grandma diagnosed with lung cancer, we didn't tell her. We did not tell her that she had six more months to live. We let her in the unknown situation and wondering why her body refused to be healed. 

Was that a good judgement and wise decision not letting grandma knows her own health condition?  I don't know. 

Brutally honest, I hate my job. Seriously.  I have loads of stories to support why I hate my job. The stories can go on and on.

But I choose this job. Nobody force me. Nobody put a knife on me to force me to do this job. I make a choice to do this job. 

So come what may, I have a responsibility to deliver. The company may assign me any task to be fulfilled.  Like it or not, it's my responsibility to take on. I get paid for this. It's a concept. Concept bekerja dan sebagai pekerja.

So, back to the title. Do you prefer to be sugar coated with lies, promises and living in denial or come what may, even the honesty may break you.. it is the best policy to live in.

I end with this quote that I like

Happy Tuesday all.

Stuck in Love (the movie)

Since I'm travelling back home by bus, I have downloaded movies to to maximise the time that I have. Three to four hours journey seems bearable since my time will be fully occupied. 

This movie, worth to mention. Its relevant, straightforward and moving. The kind of love and life story I like. Not cheesy and irrelevant. About a writer being divorced by his wife with two kids. Unable to move on, his life seems stagnant and he stops writing. 

Its not as heavy as revolutionary road, but the simplicity moves the storyline. One of the quotes taken from a compilation of short stories What We Talk about When We Talk about Love By Raymond Carver  (1981) :

I could hear my heart beating. 

I could hear everyone's heart. 

I could hear the human noise we sat there making, not one of us moving, not even when the room went dark.

Happy Monday everyone :)

Being Lazy

Pssst... can I share you a secret? Do you able to handle it? 

I have one consideration.  It has been on top of my mind for a while now. Yes. You're right :D 

I just want to be Lazy.

I have the feeling to go backwards. When life seems lil easy. Less baggage on my shoulder, less responsibility and less thing that I should know. Will I be happier when I am able to be like normal people?

If life is as easy as a formula, my assumption would be:

Being Lazy = Less Pay

Am I ready to take the cut? Entah, but its possible and doable. All i need to do is to stop travelling and then rent out my 3 bedroom apartment which i currently staying and me rent a studio unit, which a lot cheaper.

(Give up travel + smaller apartment) = (less responsibility + more time) would that equal to happiness? I don't know. Grass is always look greener on the other side.

Most of all, I admit I have limited capabilities. If the company require and in need of more skillfull and competence people, regrettably I have become liability to the company. I'm sorry. If that line crossed, I'm more than willing to go. No heart feeling. I fully understand. The word being  liability scares me.

And on the bright side of it, I might be able to be l.a.z.y.  and be like normal people kan.

For now, tabahkan hati and lets increase our saving. Kot hujan turun, ada extra payung :)

Like normal People

I somehow experiencing discrepancies between myself and other people (yes, I mean normal people). I feel that me, myself unable to make sense, to understand and to justify people behaviour. Off what their thinking and how their mind processing the input and output.

Having difficulties to understand when on those two critical days, people are laughing, made stupid jokes, surfing fb, chit chatting, taking long hours for breakfast and lunch, finding job at jobstreet.. bla..bla..bla.. WoW I'm impressed. Like nothing happens. Like nothing significant or even insignificant contribution can be made on that day. Happy hour during office hour?  Am I day dreaming or am I in denial? 

I envy you, normal people. I guess I would never be able to be like normal people as long as I am here. 

Perhaps its true:
Common sense is not so common anymore.

Sigh.

GPS for the Soul

Mom has been trying to talk to me these few days and I've been keep missing the window time to call her. My mom is also busy women too, you know (hehe). I have specific window time to call her since she woke up very early in the morning and sleep early.  We don't call each other during day time unless super important things to discuss. 

So on Monday night I returned her call and chit chat a bit. Usually it will be all about her. I hardly share my stuff with her. But that night I have made a special request. I asked her to pray for me. Pray that things will go easy for me for the next two days. When mom asked if anything to be concerned, I just said that work is challenging now and I may have not able to deliver. 

Suddenly it reminded me to the old school days. Mom has always been busy to make sure we have food on our table. But on major exams, even though she did not able to help us to study, she never forget to fast and pray for us.

Thank you mom. It has always been a blessing to have you :)

The Unknown remains Mystery

Somehow, I miss grandma. Her 'being' that always be the centre of everything.  Strong yet you can feel her vulnerability. Oh how I miss talking to her. The good old days. Days when we have less things, but loads of love.

Time flies and I'm getting old. Knowing that, I try to write as much as I can in this blog. Even kadang kadang lebih banyak merepek or only to save some quote that I like. Coz I know I can never turn back time. Good or bad or nothing, me write something. 

If umur saya panjang, in average I have 20 more years to go. If i have kids, maka mungkin saya hanya ada masa sehingga umurnya 20 tahun. Kemudiannya mungkin saya sudah terlalu tua, mungkin juga nyanyuk atau telah tiada.

Saya berharap moga saya dapat kongsi kisah blog ini dengan mereka. Mungkin saya tak punya cukup masa utk bercerita seperti grandma. But I do hope if they miss me, they have this blog to go to. Maybe I will tell them about this blog when they're 18 years old and about to embark their own adventure of life. May they have great common sense to guide them in life.

Oh... I sound really old already. The truth is, I miss you, grandma. Al-Fatehah.

About Time, the movie

I love Rachel McAdam. She somehow has a magic power whereby even the movie is super duper boring, her warm smile will shine through the  movie.  

Beside Rachel, I have watched three other famous movie from Richard Curtis and love Love Actually the most. So I can't wait to watch this movie with a hope it will be as good as his previous movies.

Turns out, About Time is as good as Love Actually. Nothing super extraordinary.  Its about Tim, ordinary man trying to makes his life count and extraordinary. 

Can't help to be emotional towards the end of the movie. If I could turn back time, having more time to spend with my late father at the hospital might make a difference. 

Life will never be perfect. Noticing and aware our surrounding, may lead us to appreciate the little things even more.

Ooooo October is here :)

and I'm trying hard to stand still. I have bad relationship with time.  Seems like I have never had enough of you. You fly so fast and I'm tired of catching up. Where have you been? 

I realised it has been almost a month I did not watch you Mr TV. This i consider as change. Never i imagine myself not having enough time even to switch on and watch TV for 5 minutes. These days, when I open my apt door, all I wanted to do is hop on to bed, melurus kan badan yg letih tidak terkata. Nikmat bagai. Tak mampu nak buat yang lain. Work seems demanding. Oh.

Last weekend, I was at Sepang for work and perhaps a bit of leisure.  The super hot sun doesn't help. The preparation for tele-match that evening was challenging.  Walking under the hot sun back and forth,  carrying heavy stuff memang menduga. Pergh... hebat penangan sang matahari tetapi di gagahi jua dengan senyuman yg manis tetapi plastik didalam melayan kerenah mereka. Rasa lemas pun ada tapi apakan daya, semua ini telah dibayar belaka.

Sedikit kecewa sebenarnya dgn resort yg sepatutnya gah dgn standard 5 bintangnya. Manakan tidak, bilik yg termurah bermula dgn harga lebih rm 500. Tetapi, honestly such a let down. Tidak sampai ke expectation saya. Oh bukan mengharap sehebat Maldives tetapi banyak sangat rasanya utk diperbaiki agar 5 bintang itu setimpal. Kebersihan bilik yg kurang cermat, ada lumut hijau di lantai, paip air yg leaking, aircond yg  tidak sejuk, kurang pilihan makanan di restaurant (menu lunch dan dinner hampir sama... hari hari ada nasi ayam), cutlery yg tidak mencukupi, staff yg tidak attentive dan shuttle cart yg tidak mencukupi.

Anyway, letak lah saya di mana pun.. pasti saya dapat mencari kegembiraan. View laut dari bilik amat amat menenangkan di tambah dengan susun atur dan deco bilik yg menarik adalah key selling point. Superb. Moga dgn pengambil alihan management baru - Avani, things change for better.

Sharing few photos below :)

Belon utk tele-match

Infinity pool. Nice.

Bread pudding nya memorable.  Hari hari makan

Almost dark

Go fly kite :p

Awesome Sunset

After hard work, treated ourselves with yummy seafood for dinner outside.

Arrived home around 4 pm and slept till 12.30 am, woken up by the heavy rain. 8 hour of sleep. Teramat sangat penat. Ganti balik for NZ trip. Realised that even expensive bed doesn't feel as good as my bed. I need my bed to really sleep.

Now I understand why my late grandmother has difficulty to stay away from home. 

Good night peeps. Tidur lena.