I'm Kind Person and still..

 I can really relate with this..

Introvert.. maybe not : Ambivert

Thought that I had a quiet birthday.. and just quietly start my work as usual today. But expect the unexpected..

 

 

Thank you for the time and effort despite the busyness 💝. It’s good to slow down and enjoy each other’s company.

Si Yin and Yang

panas ke hujan?

 

Interesting situation at my balcony - one side hot and sunny, one side gloomy. 

I come across few impactful keywords. Maybe i should start a list

1. No One Owes You Anything vice versa I don't owe anyone explanation
   
   
2. If It Is To Be, It's Up To Me = I'm the source of creation
   
   
3. Self-Full vs Self-Sufficient vs Self-Efficacy
   
   
4. Hold Space means Care
   
   
5. Add Value means Meaningful Contribution
   
   
6. Solitude not Loneliness 
   
   
7.  I'm a Fighter not a Victim
   
   
8.  Set Boundaries to protect my time, attention, energy and space
   
   

Quiet birthday this year. Not traveling and staying home. IC pun hilang.. belum buat baru. Waiting for miracle to happen. Kot ada insan budiman yang jumpa pulang kan 😅

Treat myself with a spa.. 

Semoga sentiasa menjadi yang lebih baik.

On Grief

Grief Is Like Butter 

by Ruth Chan

I watched a movie - Rabbit Hole. A movie about grief. 

Becca: Does it ever go away?
Nat: No, I don’t think it does. Not for me, it hasn’t – has gone on for eleven years. But it changes though.
Becca: How?
Nat: I don’t know. . .the weight of it, I guess. At some point, it becomes bearable. It turns into something that you can crawl out from under and... carry around like a brick in your pocket. And you... you even forget it, for a while. But then you reach in for whatever reason and – there it is. Oh right, that. Which could be awful – not all the time. It’s kinda... not that you’d like it exactly, but it’s what you’ve got instead of your son. So, you carry it around. And uh... it doesn’t go away. Which is... 
Becca: Which is what?
Nat: Fine, actually.

I think you can relate if only you have lost someone that means the world to you. It is a journey to be able to reach at the "okay" or "fine' stage.. and its true.. it doesn't go away, I carry it around but the weight changes with time. I'm trying to make peace with it.

Happy Ramadhan Kareem.

Meraikan Kelahiran @Maldives

I have been to Maldives few times in Oct but never on my birth date. This year, i decided to revisit Kandooma after 11 years (in 2011). 

It was my first time setting up my eyes in this beautiful country. Since then, i have been to Maldives yearly except 2015, 2020 and 2021. This is my first overseas trip after the border reopen due to covid-19. 

It was the resort effort to prepare all the surprises. No body plan it. I went for snorkeling trip in the morning, then kayak and snnorkle again in front of the room (i saw lion fish hiding between the rock).

Entered the room and wallaaa.. the bed was nicely prepared with birthday wishes. After resting, walk around the resort area twice and drop by the restaurant. 

As my friend contemplating what to eat, the staff said they actually already prepared nice table for us and to my surprise a birthday cake with the staff singing birthday song to celebrate.

 Hmmm nice kan. ❤

Tragedy

 Hello.

When tragedy happens, your world STOP. Your brain works extra hard processing information and your body shutting down. You may have panic attack, difficulty to breathe and becoming weak. 

Due to the tragedy, you are now in the trauma ward. Trying to survive the tragedy. The recovery depends on the severity of the damage. 

Of tragedy and trauma, you realised that you will never be the same person again. You're broken and no matter how much you try to normalised your world - it will never be the same.

Not saying you become better or become worst. No.

Just that you never be the same person again.

Aren't we are all a work in progress.

January Me

Sinking... again

Demi Masa...

Sesungguhnya kita berada dalam kerugian

Hi.

More and more I understand what it means. Selalu juga rasa stress. Sebab merasakan jika ambil masa untuk bersembang, berehat, menonton tv atau tidur, masa terbuang dengan sia-sia.

Dah lama rasa macam ni.

Terasa perlu tulis supaya ia keluar dari sistem.

Contoh:

Bila bercakap/bersembang, nanti emosi. Bila emosi, buang energy. End up rasa penat, tapi tak ke mana.

RUGI.

Rugi masa, Rugi tenaga, Sebab masih berada di position yang sama.

Need Motivation??

Straight to the point.

The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck

I bought this book because its no one in MPH chart. Just finished reading it and these are what I get..

Think positive?

“F*ck positivity. Let’s be honest; sometimes things are f**ked up and we have to live with it.”

Be extraordinary?

“Not everyone can be extraordinary - there are winners and losers in society, and some if it is not fair or your fault.” 

Seek happiness?

“The path to happiness is a path full of shit heaps and shame.”

Do Something Principle

“If you're stuck on problem, don't sit there and think about it; just start working on it. Even if you don't know what you're doing, the simple act of working on it eventually cause the right ideas to show up in your head.”    Action---> Inspiration ---> Motivation

Toxic Relationship

“The Victim: creates more and more problem to solve - not because additional real problem exist, but because the attention and affection craves.”  

“The Saver: Solves and solves - not because actually cares about the problems, but because believes must fix others problem in order to deserve attention and affection. ”

Commitments

“Commitments gives you freedom because you're no longer distracted by the unimportant and frivolous. Commitment gives you freedom because it hones your attention and focus, directing them towards what is more efficient at making you healthy and happy. Commitments makes decision-making easier and removes any fear of missing out: knowing that what you already have is good enough, why would you ever stress about chasing more, more, more again? Commitments allows you to focus intently on a few highly important goals and achieve greater degree of success than you otherwise would.” 

So, no more throwback. What next?

I'm finally settled. 

My new house project completed. No more budget to spend. Now paying debts. Huh

My old house in KL now rented out. I'm happy and relief. I managed to go thru the process of cleaning, throwing, donating and fixing the house. Very super tiring. Once the house looks presentable to be tented I contacted agent to market it. Some of the stuff I bring to Penang. Then just campak to all the empty cupboard. Until now tak senang to sort out. 

Pheww.. all that completed and done. I'm now settle at one place only. No more nomad life. It feels good. I mean Gooooood. 

New house already one year old. 

My heart broken again. Now going thru grief.

What next? I need new project.

Throwback - Little green corner

Somehow being at Habitat influenced me to start having something green at home. I never plant anything in my life. I never interested to try either. Mom on the other hand has her own kebun.

So I started with these two plants which according to the nursery easy to jaga. I like the green color leaves and the other plant produce oxygen. Good to put in door.

Then these... one of it is spider plant also for air circulation inside house.

The rest was history... hahaha..

Halia and cili

Daun pandan, serai and kunyit yg mcm nak mati

Plant became bigger

Kunyit decided to give it a try to live, mom bring money plant frm Johor

Limau kasturi.. survived in airasia flight and berbunga

Semangat.. so beli rak from china and pasang terus

Perfectly fit 

Dulu - Kanan. Now ada tiga pokok. I amazed how the plant adjust to fit new born. 

Today

I'm more selective on what to plant now.. coz I need to jaga. I have not been travelling like before. Now can only afford balik kampung je.. huhuhu. So maximum 3 or 4 days without water and they survived. No more pokok cili as its attract white ulat. Now only simple veggie like bayam, kangkung, belalai gajah, kacang, kunyit, limau purut, pandan and serai. Mom gave bendi and pucuk manis. I hope they survive.

Throwback - Hello Home

8 March 2017

Finally, i'm no longer a Nomad. This was the day I moved in. Its really a hard work for me. I'm not enjoying the process at all. Sometimes I felt it was a big mistake. My heart felt heavy all the time and I'm stress for months.

I'm building my home..

Living hall

Master bedroom

Second room

Kitchen

Toilet

Almost there

Yooohooo

The whole process from A to Z was a torture. In between, I'm also lost. Not sure if its worth it. I don't know until now..

I always dream to have house by the sea where I can enjoy the view, feel the wind and smell the sea. I have these view everyday now.. I shouldn't complaint and be grateful instead.

Sunrise from the balcony this morning

and mountains in my bedroom