On Grief

Grief Is Like Butter 

by Ruth Chan

I watched a movie - Rabbit Hole. A movie about grief. 

Becca: Does it ever go away?
Nat: No, I don’t think it does. Not for me, it hasn’t – has gone on for eleven years. But it changes though.
Becca: How?
Nat: I don’t know. . .the weight of it, I guess. At some point, it becomes bearable. It turns into something that you can crawl out from under and... carry around like a brick in your pocket. And you... you even forget it, for a while. But then you reach in for whatever reason and – there it is. Oh right, that. Which could be awful – not all the time. It’s kinda... not that you’d like it exactly, but it’s what you’ve got instead of your son. So, you carry it around. And uh... it doesn’t go away. Which is... 
Becca: Which is what?
Nat: Fine, actually.

I think you can relate if only you have lost someone that means the world to you. It is a journey to be able to reach at the "okay" or "fine' stage.. and its true.. it doesn't go away, I carry it around but the weight changes with time. I'm trying to make peace with it.

Happy Ramadhan Kareem.

i love u, forever

Sad song. I feel you, Sia.

Stuck in Love (the movie)

Since I'm travelling back home by bus, I have downloaded movies to to maximise the time that I have. Three to four hours journey seems bearable since my time will be fully occupied. 

This movie, worth to mention. Its relevant, straightforward and moving. The kind of love and life story I like. Not cheesy and irrelevant. About a writer being divorced by his wife with two kids. Unable to move on, his life seems stagnant and he stops writing. 

Its not as heavy as revolutionary road, but the simplicity moves the storyline. One of the quotes taken from a compilation of short stories What We Talk about When We Talk about Love By Raymond Carver  (1981) :

I could hear my heart beating. 

I could hear everyone's heart. 

I could hear the human noise we sat there making, not one of us moving, not even when the room went dark.

Happy Monday everyone :)

About Time, the movie

I love Rachel McAdam. She somehow has a magic power whereby even the movie is super duper boring, her warm smile will shine through the  movie.  

Beside Rachel, I have watched three other famous movie from Richard Curtis and love Love Actually the most. So I can't wait to watch this movie with a hope it will be as good as his previous movies.

Turns out, About Time is as good as Love Actually. Nothing super extraordinary.  Its about Tim, ordinary man trying to makes his life count and extraordinary. 

Can't help to be emotional towards the end of the movie. If I could turn back time, having more time to spend with my late father at the hospital might make a difference. 

Life will never be perfect. Noticing and aware our surrounding, may lead us to appreciate the little things even more.

Cool Runnings - the movie

I heard about this movie few months back before the London Olympic started. The movie was referred as one of the best Olympic movies of all time. It was produced in 1993 and based on true story of the first Jamaican bobsled team trying to make it to the 1988 winter Olympics. Feeding my curiosity, I decided to make a point to watch it and it was a pleasant surprise. 

The movie was fun, moving and straight forward. Its original. It's about reaching the impossible. On the other hand, I just realised how colouful Jamaican was :) Synopsis is here. Without winter and all the shortcoming, the only things that they have left  is determination to win. Nothing else matters.

Yep, I do recommend this movie especially on the hard days at work and inspiration is needed :)

A gold medal is a wondeful thing. But if you're not enough without one, you'll never be enough with one      - John Candy, Cool Running

I'm in Love

with the super talented Adele

These songs haunted me day and night. Make you Feel my Love , Don't you Remember and Set the Fire to the Rain.

a Thousand years

Don't wait. The time will never be just right - napoleon hill

Contemplating on making the right decision at the moment. Arghhh. Should i just do it or Should i wait for the right moment (which i do not know when). Sigh. Think Think.

I love love this song by Christina Perri - a Thousand years. Its comforting and when i'm watching it at youtube then i knew it's meant for Twilight movie. Now the lyrics makes sense :)

Heart beats fast, Colours and Promises
How to be brave, How can I love
When I'm afraid to fall

But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt, Suddenly goes away somehow
One step closer


I need to be on surface - on top of everything. Not down under.

Someone Like You

I heard this song repeated so many times while driving at NZ. Her crystal clear voice is amazing and now seeing her singing live with piano gives me goosebumps. I exactly remember how I felt at that particular moment of my life. But - I wish nothing but the best for you too.

Nothing compares, no worries or cares.
Regret's and mistakes they're memories made.
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?

Nevermind, I'll find someone like you.
I wish nothing but the best for you too.
Don't forget me, I beg, I remembered you said
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead

Location : Jalan Bs 10/1, Taman Bukit Serdang, 43300 Seri Kembangan, Selangor,

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Nur Kasih the Movie

Hmmmm... Nur Kasih. Nak kata best sgt tidaklah. Tapi nak kata tak best pun tidak.

Saya appreciate:

. Cinematography nya. Sangat cantik. Sangat detail. Especially di Jordan.

. Para pelakon nya. Cukup serasi. Cukup rasa. Paling suka melihat lakonan ibu aidil dan adam.

. Konsep cerita. Tentang Tuhan.Tentang kehidupan. Tentang kekeluargaan. Kasih sayang dan pengorbanan.

Kurang menarik:

. Plot cerita. Byk yg tidak perlu. Byk yg tidak realistik. Terlalu byk dugaan dan derita. (kenapa sampai perlu ke Jordan utk merawat hati, kenapa terlalu mahu mencari cincin). Isk..isk

. Sudah tiada watak Sara :( Si cilik yg penuh helah dan tipu daya. Bagi saya Sara memberi colour kpd jln cerita.

. Twist di akhir cerita kurang menarik. Dah basi.

Bagi yg belum menonton, sila lah ke panggung. Tak rugi menonton. Sokonglah industri perfileman kita :)

Buat abg jack sparrow.. Tunggu. Nanti senang saya tonton kamu.

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Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa

Sampai masa tibanya waktu Redup hati kamu berdua
Bila dua jasad bersatu Hidup mati jadi bersama

This is the best action movie Malaysia has ever produced. That was how i felt when the movie ended and Anuar Zain song is in the air. Storyline yang sangat menarik bagi saya - especially twist diakhir cerita yang memberi makna kepada pantun di atas. Saya tidak terasa bosan menontonnya. Of course Stephen Rahman Hughes sangat menyerlah didepan kamera, tetapi cerita ini tidak tertumpu kepadanya sahaja. Watak yang lain juga menyerlah.

Masih ada yang kurang kemas but it takes a lot of effort to produce an epic movie, especially di Malaysia. KRU bijak meminta grant dari Science, Technology and Innovation Ministry untuk filem ini. Saya fikir mana mungkin mampu mengeluarkan modal yang begitu besar sendirian.

Saya rasakan scene Embok merajuk tidak mahu mengucapkan selamat tinggal kepada Merong perlu disampaikan lebih baik. Mcm kurang makna. Begitu juga skrip yang sesekali kedengaran cheesy. Entah kenapa, sebutan juga ada sesekalinya tenggelam timbul.

Menonton movie ini mengingatkan saya kepada movie 300. Of course 300 lebih hebat - budgetnya pun berganda-ganda - $60 million. Rasa kelakar melihat askar dari langkasuka yg semuanya kurus-kurus maklumlah petani. Tak segagah mereka yg di dlm 300.

It is worth to watch.

127 Hours vs Repo Man



"When we find inspiration, we need to take action for ourselves and for our communities. Even if it means making a hard choice, or cutting out something and leaving it in your past." - Aron Ralston

Teruja dan beria-ia mahu menonton filem ini. Dua kali ke sunway, kedua-dua kalinya panggung rosak. Tidak putus asa. Ke Subang utk menontonnya. Kisah benar yang di tulis dan diterjemahkan ke filem. Tentang kemalangan yg berlaku ke atas rock climber - Aron Ralston di Blue John Canyon, Utah. Hari yang biasa, menjadi malang apabila dia terjatuh dan tangannya tersepit di celah batu. Bayangkan, terperangkap sendirian tanpa apa-apa selama lima hari. Kita di bawa menyelami hari-hari yang suram penuh kesengsaraan. Akhirnya, Aron mengambil keputusan memotong tangannya sendiri. Ngeri sungguh. Saya terpaksa tutup mata.

Movie ini memberi peringatan kepada saya utk tidak menlengah kan panggilan ibu dan jangan suka menghilangkan diri. Sayang, saya merasakan filem ini boleh jadi lebih baik.

 

 

 

Saya menonton filem Repo Man tahun lepas - kind off terpaksa. Di paksa utk meneman. Cerita yang sangat merepek. Tetapi kerana ada Jude Law - layan je lah. Kisah masa depan di mana artificial organ yang canggih dan mahal boleh di beli secara kredit. If you don’t pay the bill, seseorang akan datang dan merampas organ tersebut tanpa belas ehsan. Orang itu adalah repo man. So, Jude Law adalah salah seorang repo man dan nasibnya berubah apabila dia terpaksa menggunakan organ artificial dan dia tidak mampu membayar hutang nya.

Movie ini sangat kejam. Bayangkan jika organ palsu itu ialah jantung, maka repo man akan merobek dada orang itu utk mengambilnya semula. Tidak ada moral dan makna.

 

Repo Man dan 127 hours, cerita yang berlainan tapi punya elemen yang sama. Saya teringat pada cerita repo man kerana ia juga kisah memotang anggota badan dengan kejam. So pada teman saya yg memaksa - now we are even :)

Black Swan - I Just Want To Be Perfect

Swan Lake : It's about a girl who gets turned into a swan and she needs love to break the spell, but her prince falls for the wrong girl so she kills herself.

Saya mengalami kesukaran utk menulis tentang movie ini. Tidak tahu bagaimana mahu mulakan. Its physiological thriller that creeps into your mind and get you twisted.

Ia tentang obsession. Ia tentang kemahuan yang keterlaluan untuk menjadi sempurna. Ia tentang kehidupan sebagai penari ballerina - Nina Sayers (Natilie Portman) yang keseluruhan kehidupannya di dedikasi kan hanya untuk menari. Tinggal bersama ibunya (juga bekas penari ballet), Nina terlalu inginkan watak utama di dalam pementasan ‘Swan Lake’. ‘Swan Lake’ memerlukan penari yang mampu membawa kedua-dua karakter - White Swan yang melambangkan innocence dan grace, dan Black Swan yang penuh tipu daya dan sensuality. Unfotunately, Nina hanya perfect sebagai White Swan sahaja. Setelah berjaya mendapatkan watak itu, Nina berusaha dan berlatih untuk menyempurnakan watak Black Swan. Dia sanggup berbuat apa sahaja. Lily - si penari baru memberi cabaran kepadanya kerana Lily adalah perfect sebagai Black Swan. Competition bermula, Nina menyelami sudut hitamnya demi mendapatkan kesempurnaan sebagai Black Swan.

Di akhir cerita, Nina membunuh dirinya sendiri apabila berjaya membawa kedua-dua watak - Kata Nina ‘ I felt it. Perfect. I was perfect.’

Yang Putih dan Yang Hitam. Yang mana satu mendominasi - kita yang decide. Kita yang mencari keseimbangannya. Kesempurnaan bukan segalanya. Itu yang dapat saya simpulkan dari movie ini.

Excerpt from the movie that i like :

Nina: I came to ask for the part.

Thomas Leroy: The truth is when I look at you all I see is the white swan. Yes you're beautiful, fearful, and fragile. Ideal casting. But the black swan? It's a hard job to dance both.

Nina: I can dance the black swan, too.

Thomas Leroy: Really? In 4 years every time you dance I see you obsessed getting each and every move perfectly right but I never see you lose yourself. Ever! All that discipline for what?

Nina: [whispers] I just want to be perfect.

Thomas Leroy: What?

Nina: I want to be perfect.

Thomas Leroy: Perfection is not just about control. It's also about letting go. Surprise yourself .so you can surprise the audience. Transcendence! Very few have it in them.

Nina: I think I do have it in me

Terima Kasih Cinta

Dengan sabar nya menunggu pementasan Terima Kasih Cinta the musical di Istana Budaya. After watching it yesterday, i can’t help to say that I felt a little bit of a letdown. Maybe because the storyline was based on Cinta – the movie, so there was no elements of surprises throughout the 2 hours performance. I knew exactly what will happen next. The differences were the cast and the musical touch. Sigh. Me – having too much expectation.

Anyhow, there are a lot of positive sides of it. I did enjoy Terima Kasih Cinta. Betul. They sing, dance and move like nobody business ; reminds me of quotes – Sing like no one’s listening, love like you never been hurt, dance like nobody’s watching and live like its heaven on earth. It’s like watching GLEE, where all popular songs are given new arrangement. The supporting roles - the dancers and singers with different sizes, add some character into the performance. The sassy dance for song ‘mata’ dulunya di lagukan oleh noorkumalasari was dangerously performed by one of the supporting dancers. Hahaha… you have to go to istana budaya and watch this to know what I meant. Antara lagu yang saya suka – Gemilang, Itu Kamu, Cinta dan Perpisahan.

Latiff Ibrahim – he still has it. His presence and aura, mengalahkan yang lain. His voice hasn’t changed. Chemistry between Tony Eusoff and little girl Arrisa as father and daughter – singing and dancing was entertaining. Vince Chong was not bad especially when he sang his solo song. The girls… hmmm... kind of blend in sahaja, tiada yang stand out except for Faradhiya – she is icing of the cake.

Having the opportunity seated near to the stage was an advantage. Selama ni duduk jauh nun.. dari stage. Tak nampak ekpresi muka by the actors. There was sad moments, almost give me a goose bumps.. tapi tak jadi. Maybe penceritaan terlalu sarat. Using props yang sama – the six cubes, kind of boring but I do like the idea of using vibrant colors to differentiate five different story. There was panic moment apabila Norish Karman tidak berjaya membuka pintu besi dan Tony Eusoff tidak boleh membantu. Bayangkan, Norish Karman yang penuh emosi telah berkeputusan utk meninggalkan Tony Eusoff (the husband) tiba-tiba pintu besi yang berkunci tidak berjaya dibuka. Stuck. Nasib baik the standby cast membantu :)

Its a joy and lovely to watch this musical play of love. Thank You Love. Definitely worth it.

Tentang Jentayu

Menghadapi minggu yang sukar.

Entah macam mana, pagi ni teringat pada kisah seekor burung- Jentayu

Jika refer kepada kamus Jawi klasik-Melayu-Inggeris yang di susun oleh pendidik RJ Wilkinson pada tahun 1903 Jentayu bermaksud – Seekor burung yang luar biasa yang dipercayai di anugerahkan dengan kekuatan menyeru hujan dan embun. Kononnya sayap burung Jentayu mampu menyembunyikan seorang manusia.

Melalui pembacaan, perkataan Jatayu berasal dari bahasa Sanskrit. Mengikut cerita epic Ramayana, Jatayu ialah seekor burung pemakan bangkai , separuh manusia dan separuh dewa. Jatayu dan Rama bersahabat baik. Pada satu hari, Jatayu yang berada di atas dahan pokok ternampak isteri Rama, Dewi Sita menjerit-jerit di culik, di bawa terbang oleh raja setan yang menakutkan, Ravana. Jatayu dengan rasa tanggung jawab berusaha dengan sepenuh hati melawan dan menyerang Ravana. Oleh kerana telah berusia, Ravana berjaya memotong sayap Jatayu dengan pedang. Darah bercucuran lalu tubuh Jatayu akhirnya jatuh ke tanah dan mati. Sebelum mati dengan keadaan sekerat tanpa sayap dan cedera, Jatayu memberitahu Rama bahawa Dewi Sita telah di culik Ravana.

Usman Awang juga berpuisi tentang Jentayu dalam 11 babak. Juga tentang burung ajaib memerangi garuda jahat untuk melindungi sang Puteri China dan kekasihnya Putera Rum.

Begitulah kesah si burung Jentayu. Membinasakan diri untuk orang lain. Berusaha untuk menyelamatkan walaupun diri terkorban. Ada tak agaknya manusia bersifat seperti burung Jentayu? Mahukah kita menjadi Jentayu?

Mengambil makna kekuatan dan survivor dari lagu Jentayu by Johan Nawawi :)

Di paruhmu kemilauan sinar, Menyepuhi sejuta rasa
Kemulian di hatimu, Bening budi terdampar di jagat raya
Di sayap taufan kau jelajahi, Awan gemawan membawa rindu
Kasihmu menentangi kezaliman, Ketidakadilan
Jentayu, Patah sayap bertongkat paruh
Jentayu, Patah paruh bertongkat siku
Jentayu, Patah siku bertongkat dagu
Jentayu, Patah dagu bertongkat kuku
Pinjamkanlah hatimu, Untuk semua

Selamat Pagi. Minum teh tarik dulu :)

1.1.11

Have you watched Jerry Maguire? – a movie about a 35 year old sports agent who inspired to write a memo; a mission statement in one night as result of stress and guilty conscience. The mission statement is about what he believes - "The Things We Think and Do Not Say: The Future of Our Business".

I love this movie because it’s real, it’s relevant and it’s inspired me. It’s involved in questioning yourself – how far you are willing to go and giving up for what you believe. There are a couple of moments in the movie that moved me so much. He was on fire to make things happen. To find greatness and happiness in an occupation where only success counts.

Jujurnya, saya merasakan api dalam diri saya semakin malap. Tertanya-tanya mana hilangnya. Sudah padam semangat yang berkobar-kobar. Sudah tidak ada keinginan dan kemahuan untuk memberi yang lebih baik. Bahu terasa semakin berat mengalas beban. Atau mungkin rasa ikhlas itu sudah mengurang. Kita kenal diri kita. Kita tahu diri kita. Kita tahu apabila kita tidak memberi 100%. Tidak perlu menipu.

Ramai yang berkata-kata. Tetapi saya tertanya-tanya. Kenapa result masih sama. Tidak ada yang berubah. Result itu tidak menipu. Result speaks louder. Seriously. Saya mahu lihat perubahan itu. Mungkin saya tidak sabar. Mungkin kerana terlalu lama menunggu. Mungkin kerana tiap tahun saya melalui perkara yang sama. Di tanya dengan soalan yang sama. Di uji dengan soalan yang sama. Di rendah kan kerana perkara yang sama.

Kata Paulo ‘One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through.’

I hope all the hardship will worthwhile. My soul need to be alive. Have a little faith.

Thank you twenty ten. Hello twenty eleven :)

Eat Pray Love - The Movie

I have to say that i watched this movie simply because of Julia Roberts. Having read the book, i sort of anticipate how the movie will be. The thing that i like the most about this movie beside Julia is the cinematography which brings us to three distinctive places - Italy, India and Indonesia.

I kind off speechless when the movie end. Nak kata best pun tak, nak kata tak best pun tak juga...in which i feel very much ambivalent about it.

"To lose balance sometimes for love is part of living a balanced life." - Ketut Liyer, the medicine man

Revolutionary Road

I was extremely moved by this movie. It's about how we live our everyday lives without stopping to think about what we are actually living. I loved this movie and I could watch it over and over. Great acting and great characters but no happy ending.

Quote from this movie:

April Wheeler: I wanted IN. I just wanted us to live again. For years I thought we've shared this secret that we would be wonderful in the world. I don't know exactly how, but just the possibility kept me hoping. How pathetic is that? So stupid. To put all your hopes in a promise that was never made. Frank knows what he wants, he found his place, hes just fine. Married, two kids, it should be enough. It is for him. And hes right; we were never special or destined for anything at all.

John Givings: You want to play house you got to have a job. You want to play nice house, very sweet house, you got to have a job you don't like. Great. This is the way ninety-eight-point-nine per cent of the people work things out, so believe me, buddy, you've got nothing to apologize for.

John Givings: If you wanted to do something absolutely honest, something true, it always turned out to be a thing that had to be done alone.

and you should watch this too ;)

2 Steps Away

another super awesome dance

song: Patti LaBelle
dancers : Legacy & Kathryn

Gravity

goosebumps... every single time i watch it

Song : Sara Bareilles
Dancer : Kayla and Kupono

The Holiday

excerpt from the movie

I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible, and how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you, and it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong, or how you could have misunderstood, and how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy.

And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door.

And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new, and you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again, and little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade.