Kesempatan yang Berkurangan

Lesser family time, make me appreciate more.. each time i'm back home.

Quietly i look at mom face when she sleep. I hope time stay still. I hope she do not grow old. I hope she stays the same. I hope she always healthy and happy.

Sometime i wonder if she miss me?

The other day she insisted  me to type all her recipes so I do not forget. Goshhh.. 

I want you always to be there mom.

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Meninggalkan 2015

2015 punya warna dan corak tersendiri.  Moga 2016 lebih bermakna dan dipermudahkan untuk saya melaluinya.

All of us, 27 Dec 2015

Happy Birthday Mak, Bayou Resort Melaka

View from my window - Happy New Year Penang!

melt..

One mth old

One yr old

He's my brother

i'm 4 years old

New family member. Sharing the same birth date with one year old. Both of their father also sharing same birth date. Kuasa Allah. 

Watching them growing up, makes me old. 

One is learning to walk. Watching him reminded me how i'm so scared to learn how to cycle. The imbalance that makes you fall.

The other one seems lil impatient since he has no tab and phone to play with. My brother and SIL decided to stop his addiction. One most prominent change is that he is more social. Not afraid to approach everyone. I've new name - cik su lift. Oh boy. Suddenly he became so clingy. 

One of the most challenging question.  "Cik su.. kenapa cik su tak telefon masa hari jadi .."

pengsan....

masih pengsan....

pengsan lagi......

Speechless...

Syawal, seadanya

MZB

Cheeky Hariz, wink wink

Hariz photobomb

Ramadhan berlalu pergi. Menyambut Syawal seadanya.

Oh Sem lil Boy

that you're become.. 

He resembles his father, my lil brother. The way he smile exactly like his father. Somehow my feelings travel back more than twenty years ago when he was at the same age. He was such a darling. Early morning my mom will carry him ke pasar. Put him dalam box peti ikan. So that mom can continue work.

He hardly give hard time to mom, I guess. He entertained mom customer with his cheeky smile and cheerful noice. Perhaps he was also one of the reason mom being a super strong women that she is till now.

You made me feel old lil boy :) So, I'm trying to make my weekends more meaningful. Be it with family, friends, community, work or me-time. So each week I will make a plan. Plan that make me more useful or better. Each moment count.

Good Luck.

Blessed Family Day, Family Moment

As usual, we celebrate mom's birthday in Dec as such it will always be our family day. This year, we decided to have fun in A Famosa. Rented a bungalow house so that all of us can be together all the time. With swimming pool inside, such fun the see the boys and girls inside the water.

At night, we had BBQ session and continue chit chatting till late night.

This month we have a lot of good things to celebrate. Alhamdullillah. Beside mom birthday, Aiman got 3A2B in UPSR and accepted offer to Maahad Muar, his big brother Afiq got 7A2B in PMR and hoping for boarding school too and last but not least, big brother got promoted and move to Cyberjaya. Yeay. And for all those blessing, we deserved a rainbow cake. Awesome!

So Pretty and Yummy. Like.

Dec 21-22, 2013 : Moments like this is precious :)

GPS for the Soul

Mom has been trying to talk to me these few days and I've been keep missing the window time to call her. My mom is also busy women too, you know (hehe). I have specific window time to call her since she woke up very early in the morning and sleep early.  We don't call each other during day time unless super important things to discuss. 

So on Monday night I returned her call and chit chat a bit. Usually it will be all about her. I hardly share my stuff with her. But that night I have made a special request. I asked her to pray for me. Pray that things will go easy for me for the next two days. When mom asked if anything to be concerned, I just said that work is challenging now and I may have not able to deliver. 

Suddenly it reminded me to the old school days. Mom has always been busy to make sure we have food on our table. But on major exams, even though she did not able to help us to study, she never forget to fast and pray for us.

Thank you mom. It has always been a blessing to have you :)

The Unknown remains Mystery

Somehow, I miss grandma. Her 'being' that always be the centre of everything.  Strong yet you can feel her vulnerability. Oh how I miss talking to her. The good old days. Days when we have less things, but loads of love.

Time flies and I'm getting old. Knowing that, I try to write as much as I can in this blog. Even kadang kadang lebih banyak merepek or only to save some quote that I like. Coz I know I can never turn back time. Good or bad or nothing, me write something. 

If umur saya panjang, in average I have 20 more years to go. If i have kids, maka mungkin saya hanya ada masa sehingga umurnya 20 tahun. Kemudiannya mungkin saya sudah terlalu tua, mungkin juga nyanyuk atau telah tiada.

Saya berharap moga saya dapat kongsi kisah blog ini dengan mereka. Mungkin saya tak punya cukup masa utk bercerita seperti grandma. But I do hope if they miss me, they have this blog to go to. Maybe I will tell them about this blog when they're 18 years old and about to embark their own adventure of life. May they have great common sense to guide them in life.

Oh... I sound really old already. The truth is, I miss you, grandma. Al-Fatehah.

My Brother's Keeper

The Movie

The book

Spending my time with my nephews and nieces over the weekend remind me of this movie which an adaptation from a book by Jodi Picoult. I didnt read the book but I watched the movie, as such i can't compare which is better. But I just can't stop crying while watching the movie. It was few years back and the movie was realeased in 2009. They said that the endings of the two creations are completely different. In the movie Kate dies peacefully just like she wants too, because Anna does not donate the kidney she is in need of.

These two boys are buddy. They eat, sleep, talk, play watch tv, read books and fight together. They love and hate each other. Almost  every morning, Hariz wakes his brother up to go to school. Sometimes they bath together. He sends his brother to school every day. Sebelum turun kereta, Hariz will salam, hug and say goodbye to his brother.

Hariz in arabic means keeper or pemelihara. Its a big name, carrying his parent's hope and love. This year, he will be three years old. He is adorable as ever. My darling sweetheart. Somehow his warm personality has light up everone's heart.

Haziq, a special boy with mild autism syndrom . He will be five yesrs old this year. A bit of challenge but since he has Hariz, the learning process is more faster. They copy cat each other. He learn how to communicte, have eye contact and sharing.

I love both of them. I hope and pray that Hariz will always be there and be kind to Haziq. The time will come when Hariz IQ and EQ exceeds Haziq capability. I hope he remember that they're buddy and he is his brother's keeper. Amin.

Sundown at Bagan Lalang

Spending some family time for belated  mother's day celebration. How lovely watching the sun down with mom. You are the world to me ♥

Hariz, my sweet heart

Ada ku kesah look

cheeese :)

He looks really grown up in this photo

Hariz + me

nenek tasbih

With the rest of the boys

Another Add On in the Family

Alhamdulillah, welcoming new add on in the family. Now we are so called related to the Syed and Sharifah family. Yup they are different but i think they also feels the same about us.

Early morning at 9.30 am all of us gathered at Surau Arab, for akad nikah ceremony, just 15 mins from home. According to them Sultan Johor banned any wedding ceremony inside the mosque. Everything went well. Sekali  lafaz, officially i have another sister in law.

Later in the afternoon, we are surprised with the extra-vaganza ceremony in Dewan Jubli Intan. Wah. Boleh masuk magazine, gitu.

Tommorrow, we will be having doa kenduri selamat at mom's house. Meraikan kehadiran menantu baru :) Kecil-kecilan - close family and friends are the invitee. Hope everything will be smooth.

Location : Jalan Dato Syed Esa, Taman Pantai, 83000 Batu Pahat, Johor,
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5th day of Raya. How's your tummy?

Raya oh raya.

This year all of us decided to celebrate Raya at mom's house. It has been ages we didn't celebrate Raya at our own house. My brothers told me, this is their second time sembahyang sunat hari raya di Masjid Batu Pahat. Ya ke? Macam tak betul je. Tapi mungkin betul. Sebab our normal routine was to celebrate malam raya with grand ma at kampung and the next day, usually in the evening, after sesi ziarah menziarah pak cik makcik, we heading to KL to visit another grand ma. Sama je tiap-tiap tahun dan biasanya, I will the first taking raya holiday and then back to office the earliest.

Kerana tahun ni saya pilih CNY, maka tiada cuti untuk Hari Raya, which turns out to be okay since mom decided to do her open house on first raya. Senang juga, sebab semua datang pada hari yang sama. Tak perlu masak banyak kali. Hari Raya kedua dan ketiga, kami visit saudara mara yang dekat dan di kampung. Hari Raya keempat (semalam) saya sudah start kerja. Yeay! (hehehe).

Hariz buat muka kesian :)

I accidently found this video yesterday along with other candid photos inside my tab. Biasalah bila kat kampung, tab banyak peminat. I think her sister, Dina took the video and I think its cute :)

Family photo during raya. Its a bit hard to get everyone stay calm especially when bibik yang snap the photos. But the inperfection that makes it perfect. It has more stories to tell :)

First time berhari raya di rumah baru, excited la sikit

and food for tummy

Beryani Kambing in the making

Dalca sayur dan daging

Rendang Ayam Pencen

Nasi Beryani

The difficult part when cooking with mom is that her recipes always change. Ikut suka hati dan berapa banyak pun boleh. Pertama kali kami masak ayam pencen. Penat juga mengerjakannnya tapi memang murah, RM 4 je seekor tapi tak boleh potong. Masak rendang pun senang, sure tak hancur.

I kind of like raya this year. Easy. 

Have a happy and safe Eid everyone :)

See Things Differently

This is how easy my darling niece changed her perspective :)

In need of a fresh start with new positive eyes. To see the same things differently.

Story : "A carrot, an egg, and a cup of Oolong tea"

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil.

In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed Oolong tea.

She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the Oolong out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me what you see."

"Carrots, eggs, and Oolong tea," she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.

Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the Oolong. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma.

The daughter then asked, "What does it mean, mother?"

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently.

The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.

The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.

The Oolong tea was unique, however.

After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water color and taste.

"Which are you?" she asked her daughter.

"When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a Oolong tea?

Think of this: Which am I?

Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat?

Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff?

Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the Oolong tea?

The tea actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor.

If you are like the tea, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level?

How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a Oolong tea?

Step Up and make the most of everything. Kan.

Perfect Sweetness

It is easy in the world to live after the world's opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I realised that things have been good.

I was rushing back to the hometown last weekend as my uncle is sick and admitted to the hospital. After hours being stuck on a plane, apa lagi jet lag pun muncul tetapi mengagahi jua. Arrived mom's house and immediately hop on to big bro car and sleep for another two hours journey (feels like sleeping on the plane though). Selesai semua dan pulang semula ke rumah emak. Semua ada. Riuh rendah. Celebrated bro in law and nephew birthday together with father's day - combo style. I woke up late on Sunday. Kelam kabut bangun. Terus teringat akan pesan mak malam tadi untuk sesi masak memasak. Surprisingly bila bangun, breakfast ubi rebus sambal hijau ikan bilis dah tersedia. Wah :) Mak pulang awal dari kedai to join us cooking. Meriah. Raya pun tak dapat berkumpul seramai ini. Mak sekarang bukan sahaja ditemani oleh dua orang adik lelaki saya, tetapi juga menantu dan sesekali bakal menantu menjengah menghantar makanan. Alhamdulillah. Tidak lah tertunggu-tunggu emak untuk saya pulang. Teman berbual pun ada :)

Oleh kerana tahu akan mengambil cuti yang panjang di waktu yang crucial, I tried hard to complete everything. Work like mad. Juggling my own time. Pagi, petang, Siang dan malam. In between NZ and Italy/Swiss trip investor juga sempat menjengah. Saya mencuba sebaik mungkin menyediakan dan menjawab segala persoalan dari investor dan juga auditor. Meninggalkan department, hati ada sedikit risau. Dengan dua project baru in hand, saya request dan prepare apa yang patut. Tapi saya percaya, mereka boleh survive tanpa saya, (but i made myself available 24/7 mostly on whatapps and emails - just in case). Saya selalu fikir yang terbaik untuk company. Oleh itu, cara kerja saya ialah dengan memastikan company tidak perlukan saya. Maksudnya saya boleh diberhentikan pada bila-bila masa kerana company akan survive tanpa saya - everything in place dan in order. Sesiapa yang menggantikan saya hanya perlu menyambung kerja saya dengan mungkin lebih baik lagi. Tiada back lock, tiada apa yang perlu di sorok-sorok. Alhamdulillah - they made it without me. We survived. Bangga saya dengan mereka. Leadership through Empowerment :)

The world does not stop just because I'm on leave - Firefly

Being able to take time off and realising my dreams, I'm grateful. Jika sepuluh tahun lepas, ia kelihatan mustahil. Terlalu banyak limitation - terutamanya masa, wang dan kerja. Tetapi saya realised kerana tak punya banyak masa - saya lebih hargai masa (fokus, priorities dan tidak membazirkan masa dan energy pada yang tak perlu). Kerana tidak punya banyak lebihan wang - saya berbelanja yang perlu sahaja, ikut budget dan target. Kerana kerja yang umpama air hujan, saya tidak libatkan diri dengan politik kerja, cuba tidak procrastinate dan cuba delegate. Secara tidak sedar, kerana mahu meralisasikan impian, saya cuba menjadi yang lebih baik. Saya tahu ada manis nya di hujung sana :)

Begitulah. In the midst of everything, the sweetness is just perfect. 

Good Night, Sleep tight beautiful people.

When i Was 5

Happy moments with the balloons, strangled himself and finally fall asleep - lil nephew Hariz

When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life. ― John Lennon

Welcoming the new add on

Mom and sis in law standing and the rest of the Amar-ian at the front row:)

Bunga Api di Hati

Bersyukur tahun ini dapat cuti panjang sedikit semasa Ramadhan dan Syawal. Kalau dihitung, saya hanya bekerja selama empat belas hari sahaja pada bulan August. Patutlah terasa sangat tidak cukup masa. 

Saya cuba mengubah persepsi saya tentang meraikan Syawal. Saya mahu ia sederhana tetapi bermakna. Saya mahu meraikan Syawal dengan ziarah dan bermaafan. Maaf yang punya makna dan bukan setakat bersalaman. Tidak mahu hanya habiskan masa terluang dengan duduk dirumah dan menonton tv.

Pada hari terakhir berpuasa, kami telah bertolak ke kampung arwah nenek untuk bacaan tahlil dan iftar bersama pakcik dan makcik. Semua adik beradik emak ada berkumpul. Saya tidak boleh ingat, bila kali terakhir kami semua berkumpul. Saya melihat beria-ia sungguh pakcik dan makcik saya bersalaman bermaafan dengan emak. Terasa sayu melihatnya.

Hari raya pertama, kedua dan ketiga penuh dengan aktiviti ziarah-menziarahi. Kami sempat menziarahi semua rumah saudara-mara dikampung. Rumah emak juga penuh sesak dengan sedara-mara. Saya merasakan saya tidak henti-henti memasak. Mengemas dari pagi sampai malam. Penat. Tetapi saya bersyukur kerana tahun ini ramai yang menziarahi kami. Tercapailah hajat saya utk meraikan Syawal (walaupun tanpa baju baru :)) 

Kami rindukan rendang arwah nenek KL. Tak rasa raya kalau tak ada rendang nenek. Atas permintaan abang, kakak, adik dan diri sendiri, saya masak juga rendang resepi turun temurun sebelum pulang ke KL. Nasib baik nenek dah turunkan pada emak dan saya. Dapatlah kami semua merasa.

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, Maaf Zahir Batin. Semoga Syawal anda bermakna juga. Esok mahu massage. Sakit badan ni.

You have been Missed

I remembered that day receiving phone call from my brother informing that grandma having difficulties to breathe and was sent by ambulance to the hospital. I was avoiding myself being close to my mobile phone. I was afraid. I was afraid to hear the news and updates. As I was busy and carried away handling stuff, I realised I have yet to check my mobile for a while. There was two smses from my brother and the last text was to inform me that grandma has passed away. I'm having a flashback. Our last moments and last hugs, on her good day.

It has been 16 days. I think mom and my brother should have missed grandma the most. They have been taking care of sick grandma for many many months. Taking care of grandma has been a routine. Things now change. The sadness may pay a visit once a while. I hope they will be strong.

More empty spaces in my heart. You have been missed. Al-Fatehah.

Not Daddy's Little Girl...

I never was.

I didn’t have the best relationship with my late dad. It was more kind of an obligation as a daughter. And now talking about him is still difficult and heavy. So, I’m not going to write a long post about him.

Do i miss him now? Ocasionally.. but usually I will stop myself. Not all of us have perfect families and I have made peace with my feelings for him. Tuhan tu kan Maha Adil. One thing for sure, i’m thankful. He taught me how to be strong.

For those celebrating Father’s Day - I envy you :)