Monday, May 26, 2014

Miscellaneous


1. I realised that I no more able to watch any match. I mean a football match or a badminton match.. the Thomas Cup and JDT. I can sense that my heart beat fast and the feeling of stress and anxious will mix up. I ended up reading from my feedly, watching some cooking and travel episode on tv while sipping my coffee.

2. I work 5 days a week now. But the intensity of 5 days seems unbearable with sleepless night almost all day. Keep saying to myself to buckle up and handle it. The candy is waiting. Gonna take my 11 days of leave starting next week. Wohoooo. I just need to hang on for a lil bit more.

3. Someone comparing me with his six years old kid makes me realised that I'm not the best story teller. I tend to short cut it. My main story is consist of the opening and then the closing. I hardly tell the in between. For me the process doesn't really matter. The main important stuff are - what, why, the result and what next? How is not important. Can be all sort of ways.

4. Coffee makes me happy. It comes with all sort of faces and flavour. Choose the one that makes you smile :)

Sunday, May 18, 2014

Because we Love so much



We burnt ourselves. We give in. We consumed.  

We believe that we are capable of stretching our limits, we find ways to adapt and we pray for the strength to endure.

Quietly our soul has been eaten.

Then again, we have faith that God will meet us halfway, so that we will not be overwhelmed. This is not a punishment. This is act of kindness. 

I pray for better days ahead. May it brings out the best in me.

Fear (of the Unknown)



I have been following Grey's Anatomy since the first season, 10 years back. Watching season 10 finale, where Christina leaving, I wept my tears most of the time. Wow.. I can really relate to this.
Sometimes the future changes quickly and completely, and we're left with only the choice of what to do next. We can choose to be afraid of it, to stand there trembling not moving, assuming the worst that can happen or we step forward into the unknown and assume it will be brilliant.
You don’t feel finished because this isn’t the end for you. There’s no finish line. There’s no end point. You just have to go.

Thursday, May 15, 2014

Tabah lah wahai Hati


Inability to hate. Is that possible?

Until now, I'm perplexed.

How come I'm unable to hate - as high as the mountains or as huge as an ocean. The pain that I've been consumed each day until now, doesn't justified with the sad feeling in my heart.

At the end of the conversation,  I feel sad. I keep questioning myself why am I sad? Is it because I decided to end it?

Leaving and saying goodbye shouldn't be this sad.

I met this person when I was 25 years old. The young,  silly and green of me. Since then, I have significantly learned and consumed whatever it takes to get things done. I have been mould, secretly. I have been taught on the do and don'ts. I have been trained to be wrong when I'm right, to really understand that money doesn't grow on tree, to chew those painful words and to be at their disposal at any time.

Oh. Its has been a long winding journey. Up and down moment. A valuable knowledge i have learned, earned and being  taught off. Thank you. I guess being me, I'm unable to carry the hatred forever. It's heavy and consume energy. Might as well, I utilise the energy to move on.

Perhaps the time is up, for both of us.

Wednesday, May 07, 2014

Just go...


and not come back for awhile. I need to get away.

Monday, May 05, 2014

How?


  
The way I loved you was consuming. And eventually you'd hold the carrot and I'd be chasing you. - Burke, Grey's Anatomy

Saturday, May 03, 2014

The Jorney: Meninggalkan Paris, Part 8

Pagi gelap sudah mengatur langkah ke main road. Mengetuk tingkap teksi yang pemandu nya masih tidur. Perjalanan ke airport dlm 30 minit. Basic airport. Tapi sempat juga menjamu mata di duty free shop dan minum kopi.


Dalam flight, map ni membuatkan otak saya ligat berfikir. Fuuhhh... saya bisa terbang dari satu point ke another point dengan tambang murah easyjet. Hmmm...

Arc de Triomphe, day and night

Hotel di Paris memang di centre, berhampiran dengan Arc de Triomphe. Tapi entahlah, saya. Boleh lupa nak print map. Aduh... buang masa berlegar-legar. Lama juga mengusung beg ditengah-tengah deretan tempat shopping Champs-Elysees. Akhirnya jumpa juga. Tapi sudah tidak sempat ke muziumnya.



Oleh kerana dah beli one day pass, kami ronda-ronda Paris suka hati naik turun train hingga lewat malam. Rasa macam tak cukup masa. Terkilan pun ada. Patut spent one more day in Paris. Sempat juga membeli ole ole dan FM. Mungkin malam minggu, meriah sungguh kota Paris. Terasa kembali ke zaman moden. Happening. Ukur jalan hingga jam 12 lebih malam. Last train jam satu pagi.

Super yummy pastry and coffee

Notre Dame de Paris



Flight MH 380 tengah hari. Pulang ke boleh land. Ikut hati tak mahu pulang :(

The Journey : A night under thousands of Stars, Part 7

Sekumpulan unta bersiap sedia menunggu kami. Umpama supir dan keretanya. Berdegup-degup jantung ni.. padahal nak naik unta je. Nebes sungguh. Unta tu besar dan tinggi. Asyik terpikir, kalau jatuh camna.. kalau unta tu tetiba tak pasal pasal mengamuk cam na tu? Tabahkan hati je la. Katanya sejam lebih naik unta.


Berusaha jugak lah nak naik unta tu. Al maklumlah kaki tak cukup panjang. Bila je kena sepak dua kali oleh supir, terus unta tu bangun. Haa.. masa ni lah .berdegup degup jantung. Takut tercampak ke depan. Boleh tahan tinggi unta ni. Duduk atas bonggol pun tak berapa selesa walaupun dah lapik kain.

Jantung yg Berdegup-degup tu dah reda sikit. Layan je pemandangan di padang pasir. Nak ambik gambar pun tak dapat. Sebab tangan gigil tu. Pas tu nak melayan lenggang lenggok siDia ni. Apa pun kena lah berlakon gagah. Mana taknya pakcik makcik yang dari london tu steady je. Makcik tu dah baya mak saya. Hokey je naik unta. Pakcik tu pulak siap peluk beg troli roda atas utnta. Ko ada?

Sampai hampir gelap dah. Lepas bagitahu kat mana toilet, 'hotel' dan waktu makan, kami pun beredar.


Meluruskan kaki sambil membayangkan kesejukan malam nanti. Tanpa heater atau electric blanket. Hanya selimut tebal yang ada. Bekongsi bilik dgn 2 Spanish lady - sarah dan andrea.



Malam itu kami menikmati Morrocan Tagine. Menu harian di sini. Umpama nasi lemak la. Duduk di khemah besar bersama rakan2 travel yang lain. Berkonsi cerita apa yang patut. Teringat kisah Sarah yang travel ke china secara solo. Ended up with makan daging kucing.. hehe.. erk.



Setelah itu, kami berkumpul di unggun api. Mendengar muzik persembahan dari orang berber. Kesejukan memang menduga. Teh pudina yang dihidangkan umpama tiada makna. Sejuknya sampai terasa nyilu di tulang tulang. Rasa kebas di muka tak yah cakap lah. 

Sesekali mendongak ke langit. Melihat bintang-bintang bertaburan tak terkira banyaknya. Terasa kecil dan kerdil. Cuba juga mengambil gambar, tetapi melewati kemampuan camera hp ni. Tak pe lah. Kita simpan dalam b (brain) drive sahaja sebagai memori.

Lewat malam masuk ke dalam khemah. Semua baju yang ada sudah disarung. Tapi sejuk nya tak berkurang juga. Masuk dalam selimut yg berat tu dan paksa untuk tidur. 

Malam itu umpama tidur dan tidak. Terjaga kerana kesengsaraan.  Hehe. Sejuk beb. Awal pagi masih gelap, terus bangun. Ke bilik air hanya mampu utk berus gigi dan basuh muka. Mandi tak sanggup. 

Layan sunrise view




Breakfast roti jem dan air teh pudina. Saya makan saki baki roti corraisant yang tinggal. Kemas lebih kurang dan bersemangat utk pulang. Membawa bau unta sebagai kenangan. 




Masa untuk bersama unta telah tiba. Saya memilih unta yg kecil. Tapi entahlah.  Di suruh jugak naik unta yang terbesar, dan mendahului barisan. Mungkin unta tu dah tua kot. Dah tak larat. Tu la sebab saya terpilih. Setelah semua sedia di atas unta dan sedia utk berjalan, tetiba unta kat barisan sebelah ni mogok tak nak bangun. Habis di pukul pukul unta tu masih degil. Entah kenapa tetiba unta saya pulak asyik mengibas-gibas kiri dan kanan. Takut tu. Takut tercampak. Cepatla jalan. Nebes ni. Akhirnya supir switch penunggang unta. Baru nak jalan. Huh! Memilih juga unta ni.



Leganya lah bila dari jauh nampak van menunggu kami. Sakit bontot dah ni.

Kami teruskan perjalanan menaiki van yang sama, supir yang sama. Mentabahkan hati melalui jalan yang sama untuk pulang. Singgah di satu kawasan yang mana banyak pembuat filem shooting di sini. Berkeputusan utk tidak masuk. Hanya duduk melepak bersama pakcik makcik dari london tu.




Selamat sampai di riadh lewat petang. Ambil bag dan dobi dan check in semula. Nikmat nya dapat mandi dan merebahkan diri. Malam itu kami ke souk sekali lagi melayan hiruk pikuk night marketnya. Kami makan di gerai yang lain.. a bit of a let down. Kurang ummph.

Mlm itu kami tidur awal kerana flight ke Paris awal pagi. Katanya teksi ke airport mudah. Hanya perlu keluar ke main street. 


Bermalam di sahara, is worth all the effort.  Pasti tidak lupa :) Langit yang cerah, tanpa awan.